Recently, my husband and I took our 14-year-old daughter, Lily, for a week-long adventure on the North Shore of Oahu. Now, some parents might feel a twinge of anxiety at the thought of sharing a condo with a teenage girl, but we actually think she’s a pretty cool kid. She rarely throws tantrums, treats her parents and friends with respect, and the eye-rolling is mostly kept in check.
Having just enjoyed a week of relaxation on the Big Island, we were ready to soak in the North Shore’s laid-back vibe and show Lily a fantastic time. However, it quickly became apparent that our enthusiasm might have been a bit much. Lily seemed anxious and out of sorts, expressing feelings of being “out of place.” She worried about sun exposure (I assured her that was my job), and it seemed like she couldn’t really engage with her surroundings. This was concerning because, from what I remember of my own teenage years, enjoying leisure time shouldn’t be so challenging.
While I was hoping she’d savor the beauty of the beach, Lily appeared distracted. Instead of enjoying the sun, she was preoccupied with thoughts about the upcoming school year, high school applications, and standardized tests. I tried to reassure her that those worries could wait, but she just shook her head.
We strolled along Haleiwa Beach, where majestic Hawaiian sea turtles sunbathe on the shore. It’s a unique experience that most people would cherish, but she merely glanced at them before turning back toward the condo.
The next day at Sunset Beach, she fretted about the waves being “too big” (they really weren’t) and complained about the sand being too hot. She lamented that no one was helping her with her boogie board. My husband and I decided to carry on with our fun, hoping that our carefree attitude might inspire her.
The turning point came when we visited Waimea Bay. In summer, this beach transforms into a paradise for swimming, snorkeling, and even spotting spinner dolphins. One of the main attractions is a giant black lava rock rising about 30 feet above the water, where thrill-seekers climb to jump off. I, too, had taken the plunge from there a couple of times and could attest to the sudden rush of reality upon hitting the water.
Despite her earlier dismissals, Lily kept eyeing the rock, watching others hesitate before taking the leap, including kids even younger than her. Finally, she declared to my husband, “I’m going to jump off that rock.” With a mix of trepidation and determination, she climbed up and made the leap.
She survived the jump—though she described the landing as feeling like “hitting a bidet on the highest setting.” The experience seemed to lift her spirits, and suddenly, she was more engaged with our vacation. Cheers to the Waimea Bay rock for reigniting her sense of adventure!
As I reflect on our time together, I hope that by observing her parents enjoying life—snorkeling, swimming, and marveling at turtles—Lily can rediscover the joy of being carefree. For most of our trip, she seemed more like a stressed-out executive than a carefree teen, which truly concerned me. After all, there won’t always be a rock waiting to jolt her into the present moment. Perhaps the most valuable lesson I can impart is the importance of playfulness. I know I have some work ahead of me!
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Summary:
In this article, we explore the challenges of teaching a 14-year-old girl to embrace playfulness amidst teenage anxieties. Through a family trip to the North Shore of Oahu, we witness a shift as the daughter, initially distracted and overwhelmed, takes a leap of faith—both literally and figuratively—by jumping off a rock into the ocean. This experience serves as a reminder of the importance of play and relaxation in a young person’s life.