“Seriously, don’t hesitate to grab a nipple shield,” I shared with a fellow mom the other day. “Trust me, cracked nipples are no joke!”
“Ooh, brace yourself for some really orange diapers,” I advised a new mom preparing to give her little one sweet potatoes for the first time.
You’d be hard-pressed to tell which of us was a long-time friend and which one I’d just met five minutes ago. Conversations among new mothers often take on an unexpected intimacy, driven by the urgency of our shared experiences. And let’s be honest, I don’t typically dive into nipple advice with casual acquaintances! But when a new mom joins our breastfeeding support group? Welcome to the sisterhood!
This newfound closeness has led me to distinguish between two types of friendships. At 32, I find myself in the throes of motherhood alongside my friends. Two of my closest pals welcomed babies just a year after I had mine, and it’s been a fantastic journey sharing these experiences. No need for background checks — I know they’re incredible people, and our conversations now just include parenting topics. These are my “mamas who are friends.”
It’s a relief to have friends who understand that movie night at our place has to start after the baby is tucked in for the night. They send out invites that say “kids welcome :)” Our babies aren’t a hassle; we’re all navigating the same challenges together. It’s like we picked up a new hobby at the same time and are now all in it together. Sweet, right?
But I’ve also met a whole new category of “mom pals” — women I might not have connected with otherwise, but our babies were born around the same time. They are delightful, no doubt. However, I often find myself realizing that even though I can recite little Oliver’s favorite book and discuss his naptime schedule, I know very little about his mom, the woman I’ve been chatting with for months. She remains just another mother; our only connection is our kids. That makes her a “mom pal.”
Fortunately, the line between these two groups is quite fluid. I can think of several “mamas who are friends” who started as just another breastfeeding buddy. Now, I see their passions shine through in their social media posts and the articles they share. I inquire about their jobs, partners, and hobbies. They’ve transformed into full-fledged individuals in my eyes.
I anticipate my circle of “mom pals” will likely grow when my child is old enough to form friendships of her own (I hear birthday parties take on a whole new level of excitement for parents). I’ll have to dust off my small talk skills and remember which touchy subjects are best left untouched. Eventually, supervised playdates will turn into my daughter making her own friends, and “mom pals” will fade into casual mentions like “Tom’s mom.”
For now, I find it amusing to discuss nipple creams and baby poop with women I just met moments ago. This odd sense of closeness among “mom pals” can develop surprisingly fast. We’re all craving adult interaction and reassurance that our lives and children are “normal,” so we cling to one another, looking for shared experiences and validation. These friendships may be a bit shallower than my deeper connections, but they are equally important.
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Summary:
In navigating the world of motherhood, I’ve discovered two types of friendships: “mamas who are friends” who share deeper connections beyond just parenting, and “mom pals” with whom my conversations primarily revolve around our children. While these situational friendships may seem less profound, they are essential as we seek connection and validation in our parenting journeys.