Updated: Dec. 26, 2015
Originally Published: March 9, 2015
Watching my father, Richard, on the living room floor with my daughter feels less like a scene from 2023 and more like a flashback to an earlier era. Growing up in the 70s, fathers like him didn’t engage in the hands-on parenting that we see today. It’s hard to imagine, but back then, being involved in the daily minutiae of parenting simply wasn’t the norm.
A lot of this can be traced back to the societal shifts we’ve experienced over the decades, particularly with the women’s movement still gaining momentum. In those days, many dads like Richard were more focused on their jobs than the intricacies of child-rearing. I often think of how Richard, at 22, resembled many young men today—still in his pajamas, likely recovering from a late night, and holding my baby sister in a way that makes me question his readiness for fatherhood.
Now, at 71, Richard has never boiled water, nor has he ever changed a diaper. My mother often recounts her surprise at coming home from errands to find me, a toddler, wandering in a soaked onesie because Richard opted out of diaper duty. Yet, those moments pale in comparison to a friend’s husband who called his wife home because he couldn’t handle a crying child. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to comfort the baby; he simply wouldn’t even try.
My fondest memories of Richard involve family outings. He’d take my sisters and me to the local fairgrounds, treating it like a driving range, hitting golf balls while we scampered after them. On Sunday nights, we took turns massaging his feet or scratching his bald head, believing our touch could coax hair back onto his scalp.
Perhaps most heartbreakingly, Richard has never read a story to a child. It’s one of those parenting experiences that I cherish deeply. When my husband, Tom, reads to our daughter in the mornings, I can’t help but wonder what Richard thinks. I imagine him judging Tom’s involvement, thinking he has lost his edge. It’s a bizarre instinct to shield Tom from Richard’s outdated assessments of modern fatherhood.
Despite my concerns, Tom embodies the engaged dad of today. He wakes up with our daughter, cooks her breakfast, and takes her on little adventures to explore the beach. The question I should really reflect on is not what Richard thinks, but rather what my mother thinks. And thankfully, she views Tom as a hero.
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In summary, the contrast between Richard’s parenting style and Tom’s highlights the evolution of fatherhood. While Richard’s approach may seem antiquated, it serves as a reminder of how far we’ve come in recognizing the importance of active parenting for fathers today.
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