Guess what? The first time your dad and I discovered you were on the day of your big brother Noah’s 7th birthday! We had been dreaming of this moment for quite some time, and the excitement of welcoming you into our family was beyond words. From the instant we learned about you, our hearts were yours, and we couldn’t wait to create our new family of five. You were the final piece of our family puzzle! The day we got to see you on the ultrasound, with your tiny heart beating away, was one of the most magical days of my life. Knowing that you were doing well filled me with such joy and anticipation.
One of my favorite memories was the day we revealed the news of your arrival to your three siblings. Noah, Emma, and Lily erupted with cheers and jumps. Emma was so overjoyed she started to cry! Lily, while still processing the news, was also thrilled. From that day on, Emma made it a point to thank God and us daily for you. They loved showering my belly with kisses and whispers of love, which made everything feel just right. Their enthusiasm melted away any worries your dad and I had—we knew this was meant to be!
Listening to your heartbeat with the Doppler every night as a family was such a thrill. We talked about our dreams for you, and our hearts overflowed with love even before we met you. But one night, when we couldn’t find your heartbeat, panic set in. I spent the whole night praying for your safety and well-being.
The following day, the ultrasound revealed the heartbreaking news: your precious heartbeat was gone. In that moment, my world shattered. I realized I would never have the chance to hold you, to smell your sweet baby scent, or to watch your siblings cherish you. The thought of missing out on all those milestones—first steps, school days, and sleepovers—was unbearable for me. Your dad and I were heartbroken, and telling your siblings was equally painful. Their hurt was palpable as they cried and asked questions. Your dad did an incredible job reassuring them that you would always be with us in spirit. We were all enveloped in profound sadness, but we held onto the hope that you became our special angel in Heaven.
Two days after we received the devastating news, it was Mother’s Day—an incredibly bittersweet experience for me, knowing it was my last day carrying you. Although I never had the chance to meet you, you will always be my beloved Clara. I cherish the family photos we took that day; they are my most treasured keepsakes of you. One special photo is forever close to my heart, featured on a necklace with your name.
The days that followed were a blur. Losing you was heart-wrenching. Your service was difficult but also a beautiful way to honor your brief existence. I hope you enjoyed the letters and pictures your siblings sent to Heaven. They picked out lovely balloons and placed a special rose on your grave.
Your siblings miss you dearly and talk about you every day. Emma tells Lily that when it storms, you’re just washing your hands in Heaven. They pray that God watches over you, and they hope to meet you someday. They have taught me so much since you left us.
The weeks following your departure were dark and filled with sorrow. All I wanted was to have you back, to hold you close. At first, I struggled to find any silver lining in what happened. It was challenging to care for your siblings or even function. I had lost my baby, and grief consumed me. Many people shy away from speaking about their losses, but I want you to know that I do talk about you. You are an integral part of our family.
Over time, I began to see some light amid the darkness. I recognized the support from our community and the love your grandma showed by taking care of everything when I couldn’t. Friends like Sarah and Laura stood by me every day after we lost you, offering comfort and even capturing beautiful photographs that I will treasure forever. Our doctor and the hospital staff provided incredible care during that painful time.
So many people reached out with calls, texts, and heartfelt cards. One friend sent a lovely basket of sunshine right after we learned about your passing, while another gifted me a beautiful necklace. Many messages came from mothers who also have angel babies, reminding me that your life, no matter how short, mattered deeply to all of us.
Though I am forever changed by your loss, I hold onto gratitude for the moments I had with you. I cherish witnessing the excitement in your siblings’ eyes when they learned about you. Losing you has brought your dad and me closer and revealed the beautiful resilience and love your siblings have for you, their little sister they never got to meet. I’ve learned to appreciate life’s little things and to let go of the trivial matters. I understand now that it’s okay to grieve and lean on others for support. My faith has grown stronger, reminding me to trust in God even when the reasons remain unclear. The bond of motherhood is powerful, and I am forever grateful for the lessons you’ve taught me in your brief time with us. I love you more than words can express, Clara Frances, and I look forward to the day when I can hold you in my arms again.
Love always,
Mommy
Additional Resources
If you’re interested in more about home insemination, check out this post or learn about IVF. And don’t forget to explore fertility supplements if you’re on that journey.
Summary
This heartfelt letter tells the story of a mother’s love for her unborn daughter, Clara, who was lost too soon. It reflects on the family’s joy upon discovering the pregnancy, the deep sorrow of loss, and the strength found in community support. Through grief, the mother learns valuable lessons about love, resilience, and the powerful bond of family.