Hey there, little one! Just a quick note to clarify—I’m not pregnant with you yet, and I’m not actively trying to be (at least not right now). Before you start thinking I don’t want you, let me assure you that it’s quite the opposite. I take a small blue pill every morning to keep things in check, battling the bloating and those pesky side effects that come with it.
It might sound a bit odd, but it’s simply not the right time for you. You deserve the best, just like your big sister, Mia. Unfortunately, I can’t provide that right now. I’m navigating some emotional hurdles (thank goodness for my therapist, who’s pregnant—her growing belly makes me ache a little for you) and dealing with finances that are still a work in progress. Your dad and I are figuring it out, one step at a time.
Facing the Challenges
Now, there’s something more serious I need to share. After Mia was born, I faced postpartum depression, and let me tell you, it was no walk in the park. It wasn’t just the typical baby blues or being tired; it was like being trapped in a shadowy void where colors faded away. I remember choking back tears while Mia was gulping down her milk and later munching on Cheerios. I cried during her milestones—her first smile, her first crawl. I felt like an imposter as a mom, convinced I wasn’t the loving mother she deserved.
I’m on the mend, but I still carry the worry that I might revert back to that version of myself, and I want to be the best mom I can be before you come into the picture. Every time someone asks, “When are you having another?” it stings a little. I want to say yes, but the reality is complicated. It’s not about whether I can carry you; it’s about feeling like I’m failing. Logically, waiting is the better choice, but it still hurts because I know you could already be part of our family.
Daydreaming About You
But hey, there are days when I find myself daydreaming about you. What will you be like? Will you have those big, beautiful eyes? I wonder how Mia will react when she finally meets you. Will she shower you with sloppy kisses like she does with her stuffed giraffe? Or will I miss the boat and she’ll be too grown-up to care?
There are moments I feel ready—like maybe I should start trying for you—but deep down, I know we’re just not there yet. Not quite yet.
Resources for Growing Families
If you’re curious about the journey of home insemination and how families grow, check out some insights here. And for an excellent resource on pregnancy, visit this site. Oh, and if you’re looking for the best tools for the process, this kit is a must-see!
In summary, while the desire for you is ever-present, the timing isn’t quite right. I want to be the best version of myself for you and your sister before we take that leap. Until then, I’ll keep dreaming about the day you come into our lives.