Updated: Aug. 3, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 22, 2021
Whether you’re striving to meet your parents’ parenting expectations or aiming to surpass their approach, they inevitably become the yardstick by which you assess your own parenting skills.
My folks have always been the quintessential “got-it-together” type. By the time my brothers and I encountered any rule or plan, it was already a done deal—no room for negotiation. Somehow, they successfully raised three imaginative kids who see punctuality, meticulous planning, and strict rules as things to aspire to… just not today. Let’s just say the fruit didn’t fall too close to the tree in that department.
Unsurprisingly, my siblings and I are incredibly different from one another. It’s one of the delightful enigmas of parenting siblings: same roof, same upbringing, same parents, yet we’ve each carved out completely unique lives and careers. We’re all creative, sure—a pediatrician, a landscape architect, and a novelist—but our creative outputs are as varied as our personalities.
Even as adults in our 40s and 50s, we still operate with our parents in mind. We aim to do the right thing, and our children do too. We recognize the significance of dressing appropriately for occasions, often choosing to dress up rather than down. We’ve instilled in our kids a strong ethical and moral foundation while still enjoying the occasional pizza night and movie on Fridays.
Despite being firmly in midlife, we often weigh our choices with the thought: “What would Mom and Dad think?” They are our shared moral compass, influencing our steps as we navigate adulthood, parenthood, partnerships, and our roles in the world. Talk about a tough act to follow!
I remember the first night I sat with my newborn daughter in her nursery, cradling her tiny hands while gazing into her sweet, unfocused eyes, and thinking, “What on Earth will I do to mess you up in the next 17 years?” She cooed back at me, looking angelic. Fast forward to almost 14 years later, and I can only imagine the list she might prepare. While packing her for camp last month, in that same spot where I first rocked her, I got hit with a “don’t be so overbearing, Mom.” Yep, her list is going to be a real doozy!
Our kids adore us to the moon and back—though sometimes I wonder if it’s a mild case of Stockholm Syndrome. Mostly, I believe it’s genuine love, almost like a friendship. Yet, I can’t shake this cloud of guilt that hovers over me, pondering how my parenting might complicate their journey into adulthood. I should probably refrain from sharing so many stories about them, but then again, I might just be giving them some material for future therapy sessions.
This article was originally published on Aug. 22, 2021.
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Summary
Navigating the expectations set by our parents can be a daunting task, whether we aim to meet their standards or surpass them. The complexities of sibling dynamics, the weight of parental influence, and the inevitable guilt we feel as parents ourselves shape our journeys. Despite our differences, the love we share with our children remains strong, even as we ponder the potential impact of our upbringing on their lives.