Parenting Reflections
Updated: August 17, 2023
Originally Published: August 17, 2021
“He won’t remember a thing about life before his sister came along,” everyone assures me when the guilt of transitioning from an only child starts creeping in. “To him, it will always be this way.”
And I know they’re right; their words provide some comfort during those quiet moments when I’m flooded with nostalgia that feels more intense than anything else I can pinpoint. But the reality that you won’t remember our special time before your sister—a time I hold dearer than you can imagine—makes it even harder to accept that this chapter of our lives is closing.
But I understand it’s true: You won’t remember.
You won’t recall those early days when we figured out how to be a duo: that first morning when Dad’s car disappeared down the street, leaving me to hold you, so small and new, while I cried, questioning how I’d manage to care for you alone for nine long, lonely hours.
You won’t remember how, over time, we found our rhythm, just the two of us. We created a life and a routine, filling our days with stroller strolls, picnics in the park, aquarium visits, and playdates with new friends. You won’t remember the lazy afternoons we spent lounging around, eating pancakes, and snuggling on the couch watching Curious George in our pajamas until it was almost dinner time.
You won’t remember how spoiled you were, being Mommy and Daddy’s first baby, and Nani and Grandpa’s first grandchild. You were the first to smile, crawl, and walk, while we cheered you on like wild fans, capturing countless moments of your adorable gummy smiles. You won’t remember being the sole owner of all those clothes, books, and toys, enjoying a blissful 17 months of not having to share with anyone.
You won’t recall that you were the one who made me a mother, the one who filled my life with the most rewarding, fulfilling job imaginable. The moment you entered the world—red-faced and wrinkly—my life changed forever. The instant the nurse placed you on my chest, I felt a love so fierce that I couldn’t have imagined it, even in a thousand lifetimes.
Fortunately, you also won’t remember the steep learning curve of new motherhood and all the slip-ups along the way. Like the time I forgot to pack an extra outfit for you, and you had to ride home from the store in just a diaper while snow blanketed the ground outside. Or the day I completely overlooked your special swim class with Dad, which happened to be your last day as an only child. I also won’t forget all the little ways I fell short—losing my patience, letting you watch too much TV, and prioritizing other things over our precious time together—moments that your lack of memory will conveniently erase.
No, you won’t remember these last 18 months, and perhaps that’s for the best. You’ll grow up unaware of what life was like before your sister arrived, that smaller child who follows you around, sometimes taking the toys you never knew were just yours. You won’t remember having Mommy and Daddy all to yourself, with our attention fully on you—a blessing that will help you avoid jealousy over your sister’s arrival. It’s true; there was a method to our madness when we mapped out our family plan to have you both so close in age, even if my guilt sometimes clouds that realization.
You won’t hold any memories of life before your sister entered the picture. It’s a fresh start, a new beginning for our family of four.
But here’s the thing: I will remember. I’ll hold onto every precious second for both of us.
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Summary
In this heartfelt reflection, Jamie Carter shares the bittersweet journey of transitioning from an only child to a sibling, acknowledging the special moments that will be forgotten by her child. Despite the guilt and nostalgia, she embraces the memories she will carry for both of them, celebrating the new family dynamic with the arrival of a second child.