Experiencing an unmedicated natural birth was one of the most harrowing moments of my life. Traumatic. Unbearable. Distressing. Even ten months after giving birth without medication, the memories still evoke panic in my mind and discomfort in my body.
Choosing to give birth without an epidural was never on my agenda. Some women prepare for a drug-free labor, spending months mastering breathing techniques and visualization. I am not one of those women — I wanted the drugs, and I wanted them fast.
I can handle pain to a degree. With my first child, I was in active labor for over an hour before I finally called for an epidural. I had been induced but wanted to understand the true essence of labor. I told myself I’d endure at least one hour before succumbing to pain relief. I managed to breathe through 58 minutes of contractions. At minute 59, I demanded the anesthesiologist. Once the epidural was in place, it was a total game changer.
When it was time for my second child, I was once again induced, but I didn’t waste time trying to cope with the unbearable pain of active labor. I felt one contraction and immediately called for the anesthesiologist.
My third child’s birth was similar. I was induced again, and a young nurse named Emily, fresh out of nursing school, was assigned to me. While many might have felt anxious under the care of a novice, I was seasoned. I was a pro at this.
Once I reached 4 cm dilation, Emily gave me a single drop of Pitocin to help labor along. “Let me know when you want to call the anesthesiologist,” she said, handing me a labor ball covered with a towel. I had never used a labor ball before but decided to give it a try. I sat down, felt a bounce, and then exclaimed, “I think I have to poop!”
Emily turned around just in time. “I think I—” Whoosh. “Oh no! My water just broke!” The fluid soon soaked my legs, the ball, and the floor. Emily rushed over, instructing me to stand and walk to the bed.
“I can’t!” I screamed. I was frozen in place, terrified that movement would lead to delivering my baby right there. Sweating profusely, the pain intensified, and I felt a tremendous pressure as my baby’s head pressed downward.
My husband supported me as Emily dashed out of the room like a rodeo clown fleeing a bull. Moments later, a more experienced nurse arrived, and I desperately needed her.
“Kimberly,” she said, leaning close. “I need to check your progress.” Emily and my husband rolled me back to the bed. The seasoned nurse didn’t even bother with a dilation check. “Emily! Get the on-call doctor!”
My heart raced, and I started hyperventilating. Emily dashed out while the veteran nurse and my husband maneuvered me onto the bed. Contractions came without a break. I couldn’t see straight, couldn’t breathe.
“I need an epidural!” I yelled, “I can’t do this! I need an epidural!” My vision blurred, and every part of my body throbbed in pain. Partly in desperation and partly in denial, I inquired if the anesthesiologist was on the way.
“Kimberly, he’s coming,” the veteran nurse reassured me — though I could tell she was lying. “But you’re going to have to start pushing soon.” I screamed so loudly I’m sure every laboring mother on the floor winced at the sound.
Emily returned, though I barely noticed. An on-call doctor appeared at my feet, and chaos ensued as everyone scrambled to prepare for delivery. My body began to push before my brain could catch up.
I had successfully birthed two children before, but this time I felt unprepared and overwhelmed. The pain consumed my focus; I couldn’t concentrate on pushing. The screams and sweat poured out of me.
The veteran nurse gripped my hand, leaning in closely. “Kimberly, you need to breathe and regain control. Look at me!” I couldn’t focus.
“Kimberly, look at me!” I forced my gaze to her tiny diamond nose ring. “Bear down and push. Ready. Go. 10, 9, 8…”
I screamed throughout the push, fixating on her nose ring. I’m sure my husband was somewhere in the room; I didn’t remember seeing him. It felt like an out-of-body experience.
“Breathe…” My fingers gripped the bed sheets like handlebars on a rollercoaster. My body screamed in agony as I cried out again.
For centuries, this is how women have given birth. We are tough.
I felt every inch of my daughter as she made her entrance into the world. Her head emerged with a rush of relief, followed by the rest of her little body. They laid her on my chest, and as tears streamed down my face, I couldn’t fully embrace the moment. I was still in excruciating pain, shaking, and clutching her so tightly that the nurses had to gently take her away. My ordeal was not yet finished; I still needed to deliver the placenta.
Ten minutes later, my personal OB-GYN rushed into the room. “Time to stitch you up,” she said. The numbing cream felt like a drop in the ocean of pain. I felt each stitch as if my doctor were tugging at my insides with pliers.
“Oww!” I shouted.
“Kimberly, focus on me. Breathe,” the nurse with the nose ring urged.
“She’s hurting me!” I snapped, as if my doctor couldn’t hear my yelps. I lost track of how long the stitching took; it felt endless.
New nurses entered to clean me up. Emily, undoubtedly traumatized, likely resigned from her job. The veteran nurse deserved a stiff drink after that chaos. Within an hour, I felt as though I had run a marathon. Exhausted yet overjoyed, I cradled my baby and wandered the room, feeling utterly in love. My husband kissed me, expressing pride mixed with fear.
“I felt like I was watching a horror movie,” he joked.
I wouldn’t say an exorcism feels that bad.
For those looking for more information on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource provided by the CDC. If you’re considering alternative family planning methods, you can also explore the reputable offerings at Make A Mom, including their at-home insemination syringe kits. For insights into the emotional aspects of childbirth, you may find this article on natural birth experiences insightful.
In summary, my journey through natural childbirth was overwhelming and traumatic. While I learned the strength and resilience of women through this experience, I also discovered the importance of being prepared and informed about all available options for labor and delivery.
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