Earlier this year, like many others, I picked up Marie Kondo’s bestseller, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Just a few chapters in, it became clear to me that this book wasn’t exactly tailored for parents. Between my busy life and my cluttered home, I knew I wouldn’t be sorting through my wardrobe in one fell swoop or rolling my T-shirts like they were sushi.
However, one nugget from Kondo’s philosophy struck a chord with me: “Does this item spark joy?” This question lingered with me long after I closed the book, almost like a soft whisper urging me to reconsider my belongings.
Not long after diving into the book, my 6-year-old son, Jake, approached me during a school break. “I have too many toys,” he declared. “I want to pick some to give away.”
So, we began our little project. Together, we sat in his playroom, sifting through his toys, one box at a time. He created two piles: one for donating to his school’s kindergarten class and another for the local thrift store. We continued this process with his books, art supplies, DVDs, and even his clothes. On the last day of the break, we tackled his stuffed animals, and while he only parted with one, I didn’t press him.
Watching Jake navigate his choices revealed a profound truth about joy—a lesson that seems innate in children but gets lost in adulthood. He kept items that mattered to him, even when I didn’t fully grasp their significance. For example, a crooked stick figure made from pipe cleaners and a simple pebble from the beach made the cut. When I asked why he wanted to keep them, he replied, “Because I love them!”
Conversely, he was surprisingly unburdened when letting go of things. A small toy car, once a favorite, was discarded without hesitation after losing a wheel. I assumed he’d cling to it due to its sentimental value, but as it sailed into the trash, I realized he felt no attachment.
“Wasn’t that from Grandpa?” I asked, curious about his decision to part with it. “Yes,” he replied, “but I have other gifts from him that I like more. That one wasn’t very interesting.”
It was refreshing to observe his guilt-free approach. Jake understood, as many adults do not, that letting go of an unwanted gift doesn’t diminish the affection for the giver. In fact, treasuring only the items that truly resonate can deepen connections to those we care about.
Since this clearing-out adventure, I’ve noticed Jake has become more discerning about what he keeps. If something breaks, he tosses it without a second thought. I’ve spotted numerous items in the recycling bin—a paper airplane, a crown he wore for just a moment, and a magazine he flipped through once. It would have been easy for me to chime in about the waste of it all, but I’ve held back. He recognizes that the joy those items once brought has faded, so why hold onto them?
Instead of imposing my views, I’ve taken a cue from him. I’ve begun to sift through my belongings—not in the methodical way Kondo suggests, but in a manner that feels right for me. With each item I let go of, I’m realizing that releasing the past allows me to embrace the present more fully.
Clothes have been the easiest to part with. I’m not going to shrink down a size or fix that frayed sleeve. I appreciate the beautiful scarf I received as a gift, but I know someone else would cherish and wear it more than I ever will.
I’ve let go of my wedding dress and baby clothes, yet the essence of marriage and motherhood remains with me—my memories are not tied to those physical items. Digital memories have also been easier; the best photos are printed, and the most amusing texts reside in my mind.
Even with books, which have long been a challenge to let go of, I’m starting to feel lighter. I hold onto the image of Jake with his treasured gifts from Grandpa, and I, too, feel liberated from guilt. I’ve discarded the “should-reads” and the “once-read-but-never-again” books. Now, my bedside table boasts a modest collection of just six or seven novels that I’ve carried with me for years, waiting for my attention.
Marie Kondo is onto something—tidying can indeed be transformative, making us feel lighter and more aligned with our passions. But I didn’t need a book to teach me that lesson. I had my son to show me the way.
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In summary, this experience has taught me to embrace the joy of letting go, guided by the instinctual wisdom of my child. Together, we can navigate the clutter and find clarity in what truly matters.