“Yes,” I replied, fully aware it might ruin her dinner. “You can have as many as you want.”
The next day, I let my daughter skip day camp. Instead, she lounged in her pajamas, indulging in her favorite snacks while binge-watching Netflix. I called it a “mental health day.” I even allowed her to stay home the following day, despite my work-from-home schedule and the mounting tasks I was neglecting. After a few weeks of pushing myself into deadlines and articles, I found solace in movies and pizza when I felt down. Why shouldn’t she enjoy the same?
A couple of years back, I stumbled upon an article questioning why we fail to treat our children with the same respect we show our partners. One particularly trying day—when I was at my wit’s end and my patience was shot—I imagined how I must have appeared while scolding her. I would never talk that way to a friend, a partner, or any adult, so why was it okay with my daughter?
This realization wasn’t about treating her like a miniature adult; it was about extending the basic respect I afforded to others around me. It wasn’t entirely about the golden rule of treating others as I wished to be treated, but more about wanting to create a more harmonious environment at home.
My daughter is quite the picky eater. She has her preferences for specific types, brands, and textures of food, which has led to many frustrating moments for me—especially during dinner invitations. I’ve gone through the entire emotional rollercoaster of parenting a picky eater, from desperation to bribing and even forcing her to try things that didn’t agree with her stomach. Despite my own healthy eating habits, she still gravitates toward sugary snacks. And yes, I do my best to limit her sugar intake.
With her away for a few weeks, I fell into my usual unhealthy eating habits. Without the obligation to prepare meals for her, I often found myself eating my morning oatmeal around noon and sipping coffee throughout the day. By the evening, I’d be starving and rummaging through whatever was easy to cook. My meals had become a haphazard collection of whatever I could find that required minimal effort.
Today, I went grocery shopping, and naturally, my daughter wanted her usual treats, which I hadn’t stocked up on in months. I returned with more fruits and less junk food. No more tube yogurts; I opted for cups with real ingredients. For a while, I’d restricted myself to buying only items she could read on the ingredient list. But as I strolled through the aisles today, I caught myself thinking, “No, that doesn’t sound good,” or “Ew!” Why was I denying her choices in food?
So, I decided to grab some of her favorite junk food crackers, the ones I had previously avoided out of desperation for her to eat healthier. I even picked up a small box of Lucky Charms she had asked for. When we got home, we both started unloading groceries and sampling various snacks—fruit, chips, and hummus.
“If you’re hungry, I can whip something up,” I mentioned casually.
“I’m not hungry. I just want to snack,” she replied.
“Same here! Looks like we both just enjoy snacking on our favorite foods.”
We struck a deal. I designated a lower cupboard for her snacks and set aside part of the refrigerator just for her. As long as she made healthy choices and didn’t opt for ice cream bars on an empty stomach, I decided to let her explore her appetite freely. No more pressure to eat a certain amount or bribes to finish her meals for dessert.
So far, this new approach has been a hit! I’ve released the expectations of a formal sit-down dinner. Instead, my daughter drifts in and out of the kitchen, much like I do, snacking on yogurt, cheese, fruit, or peanut butter. It may not be the picture-perfect family meal we often envision, but I’m perfectly okay with that.
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Summary
In this article, Claire shares her experiences as a parent learning to respect her daughter’s choices, especially regarding food. By embracing a more relaxed approach to meals and allowing her daughter to snack on what she enjoys, Claire finds harmony at home while also reflecting on the importance of treating children with respect and understanding.