Updated: September 26, 2015
Originally Published: August 5, 2015
This morning, before my partner, Alex, headed off to work, he wrapped me in a hug. I leaned into him, feeling drained even though the day had barely begun, and confessed that I wished he could be home more often.
I do my best to steer clear of complaints about his demanding work hours or to make snarky remarks about his frequent absences. After all, sulking only exacerbates an already tough situation. He doesn’t relish clocking in 60-70 hours weekly; he’s simply doing what’s necessary for our family, just as I am. Yet, that doesn’t mean it isn’t incredibly tough. There are mornings when I want to shout, “PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE WITH THESE KIDS!” over my coffee.
I often feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and ill-equipped for the demands of motherhood. My creativity runs dry when it comes to meals and discipline, and I sometimes lose my patience. I worry that I’m not the kind of mom my kids truly need and deserve.
Being on a limited budget means we can’t always afford a babysitter, or even bread sometimes. But we keep pushing forward.
There are days I wish I had chosen a more lucrative career path instead of Communications. I sometimes daydream about Alex being a trust-fund kid. But that’s not our reality; we met while working at a grocery store, where trust-fund kids typically don’t hang out. We didn’t have grand plans for our future; we simply married for love when we least expected it.
Some folks say marriage is a roll of the dice, and while I’m not sure what brought us together, this morning, I really didn’t want him to leave. There are days, like today, when everything feels like a monumental challenge. I need support.
The rest of my morning felt like I was navigating a sea of whiny kids. I counted down the hours until bedtime, reminding myself that I could make it through today, tomorrow, and the next day. And then, it was nap time. Oh, blessed nap time.
After putting the younger two down, I caught a glimpse of my reflection—definitely in need of a shower. I then went into my oldest child’s room, tucked him in with his Kindle, and he mumbled something I barely understood. When I asked him to repeat it, he looked at me with all seriousness and said, “You make me have a good life.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. “YOU make ME have a good life,” I replied, because he truly does.
My husband and my children are my very reason for living. I don’t simply exist; they enrich my life. My days may be long and lonely, but that moment reminded me that the love and energy I invest in my family is not in vain. It’s helping them lead a fulfilling life.
Maybe today isn’t as tough as I thought after all.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt reflection, a mother shares her struggles with the demands of parenting while her partner works long hours. Despite feelings of exhaustion and inadequacy, a poignant moment with her child reminds her of the profound joy and purpose her family brings to her life.