Today is going to be fabulous! I’ve decided to take the ever-so-wise advice of everyone who’s ever shared their two cents: prioritize myself. After all, “If Mom doesn’t care for herself, how can she care for anyone else?” Yeah, yeah, I know.
I kick off my day by rising before the kids. What a luxury to enjoy a whole 5 minutes at 6 a.m., staring blankly at the coffee pot as it drips. Oh wait, I was hoping for at least half an hour of peace—apparently, my children possess a supernatural ability to sense silence and obliterate it.
You know the difference between savoring a hot cup of coffee while pondering life’s mysteries, like the last time you had a decent eyebrow wax, and hastily guzzling cold coffee while pondering how many episodes of mind-numbing cartoons it takes for your kids’ brains to turn to mush? Yep. Excellent start.
Next, I whip up what I consider a nutritious breakfast. Who cares if studies say breakfast isn’t the most crucial meal? I was raised with the motto, “You must eat breakfast!” It’s a wonderful feeling to indulge in fresh berries and yogurt first thing. Of course, my kids suddenly decide they want my breakfast instead of the sugary cereal they begged for. “Sure, have a bowl of yogurt. You can have some of my berries too!” Because sharing is caring, right?
Ah, what a fulfilling moment.
Fueled by chugging cold coffee and scraping the last bits of yogurt, I think, “A shower will be my next step to self-care.” The idea is that being clean and dressed will make me more productive, although I can lounge in my Target maxi dress just as well as in my worn-out pajamas. I crank up the TV volume, shed my clothes, and finally, ahhhh, the bliss of hot water. Just as I start to chill out, a child bursts in.
“I have to pee!”
“Use the other bathroom!”
“But I want to be with you!”
“Fine, but DON’T FLUSH.”
Back to my blissful shower…FLUSH!
I barely dodge the spray as the moment of relaxation vanishes, replaced by the chaos of Elsa’s snow monster storming in. Just as I’m gaining my zen back, another child arrives.
“I have to poop!”
“We have two bathrooms!”
“Can I shower with you?”
“NO! I thought you had to poop! Plus, I’m done anyway.”
So much for smooth armpits. I shut off the water, grab a towel, and head out, only to be beckoned back to “help” with a toilet situation. Maybe I should start asking them for help with laundry instead!
Wrapped in a towel, I venture to the living room where a full-on war rages over the TV remote, while a toddler has managed to escape the baby gate and is now dancing on the dining table in soggy cocoa puffs.
At least I won’t ruin my clothes with this mess.
The rest of my day plays out in a similar vein: taking care of the kids so I can take care of myself, which leads to cleaning up after the kids. So, I wave the white flag. My new definition of self-care is shoving granola bars and fruit snacks at everyone until Dad gets home, at which point I can finally shave my armpits in peace.
This article was originally published on July 19, 2023. For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on infertility from the CDC or explore our other blog posts. If you’re interested in boosting fertility, this site is an authoritative source on fertility boosters for men.
Summary:
In a humorous twist on the common advice to prioritize self-care, Taylor shares her chaotic morning routine as a mother, highlighting the inevitable interruptions and challenges of finding personal time amidst parenting. Despite her best intentions, she ultimately resorts to quick fixes for herself while navigating the demands of her children.