Recently, I was hanging out with my friend Sarah as she flipped through her phone, showcasing pictures of her daughter, a college freshman. Sarah is an incredibly strong and savvy woman with two successful kids. “Doesn’t she look fabulous?” she asked, beaming with pride. “She seems happy, right?”
From what I could see, her daughter looked radiant, healthy, and full of life. However, this young woman had recently faced some challenges, and like any concerned mom, Sarah couldn’t help but worry—what if something was still bothering her daughter?
This made me think of Miss Clavel from the beloved Madeline books, who always sensed when something was amiss: “In the middle of one night Miss Clavel turned on the light and said, ‘Something is not right!’” The nature of motherhood means being perpetually alert for signs of distress, whether it’s in the tone of a phone call or the expression captured in an online photo.
For generations, sending kids off to college meant limited communication—think letters or the occasional long-distance phone call. Parents often had no idea what their children were up to until they returned home for the holidays. Those college years could be filled with surprises, from changing hairstyles to the infamous freshman 15, and parents were blissfully unaware until the family reunion.
Fast forward to today, and it’s a whole different ball game. Parents can scroll through Instagram or (less often now) Facebook for hours, scrutinizing their kids’ photos—counting drinks at parties, analyzing outfits, and deciphering body language of friends and partners. Every image can spark anxiety: Is that smile genuine? Are those late-night parties taking a toll? Or worse, what if there are no photos at all—is my child feeling isolated?
I joined Facebook when my daughter went off to college in 2008, and I quickly discovered that peeking into her social media life became my favorite pastime. With just a few clicks, I was privy to her world, 3,000 miles away. Each snapshot offered clues about her emotional state that her words might not convey. But as much as it was intriguing, it wasn’t always healthy. Our kids need space to grow and navigate adulthood without us hovering over their digital lives.
College is a pivotal period for personal development, and sometimes that growth comes with pain. It’s not ideal for parents to witness their children during tough times, whether due to too many late nights or not enough joy. After all, we can sense when “something is not right” just from a photo.
The double-edged sword of social media allows parents to stay connected at all times, keeping our metaphorical helicopters flying long after they should have landed. Perhaps a little less visibility into our children’s lives would be beneficial—for them and for us.
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In summary, while social media provides a convenient way for parents to stay connected with their college-aged children, it can also lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Finding a balance between staying informed and giving kids the space they need is essential for healthy relationships.