Updated: July 20, 2021
Originally Published: July 2, 2015
According to Merriam-Webster, a “boomerang child” is a young adult who returns to their family home, often for financial reasons. But what if these adult children never really leave? This situation could be called a “failure to launch,” which describes the struggle some young adults face in achieving true independence. As observed by journalist Robin Marantz Henig in her article “What Is It About 20-Somethings?” in The New York Times Magazine, Millennials—those born in the ’90s—have been delaying key life milestones like graduating, moving out, gaining financial independence, marrying, and starting families. Perhaps we should introduce a new term for those who stick around to complete their education: “Fledglings.”
My partner and I faced numerous challenges during our college years, particularly because we started our family early. Navigating parenthood alongside school was no easy feat, leading to a mountain of student loans that we’re still tackling on our modest salaries. This is why we aimed for a different experience for our kids. When they were just 5 and 2, we began contributing $400 a month to the Texas Tomorrow Fund, a plan designed to cover their college tuition. Fast forward to now, our children, aged 24 and 21, are enjoying debt-free college experiences, allowing them to focus solely on their studies.
But here’s the kicker: our adult children still live at home. When I share this detail, I often find myself defending our choice. Here’s why we believe it’s the right decision:
1. We Have a Deal
We’ve struck a pact with our kids: as long as they’re making academic progress, they can stay with us. We cover room, board, health insurance, and their phones; however, they’re responsible for personal expenses like clothes and “fun” money. Sure, there have been bumps along the way, but our overall plan remains intact. A recent poll from Sun Life Financial revealed that 90% of young adults aged 18 to 24 feel overwhelmed due to economic uncertainty and underemployment. By supporting them now, we hope they can fully concentrate on their education without the added stress of bills.
2. It’s Common in Other Cultures
As noted by cultural educator Marcia Carteret, in many collectivist societies—such as those found in American Indian, Asian, Hispanic, African, and Middle Eastern communities—people often rely on a broad network of family members. Multigenerational households are quite common, enriching family ties. While our family might consist of just two generations, we maintain strong bonds with our parents, who live only a mile away and actively participate in our family life. In a world often marked by family dysfunction, our close-knit setup feels like a blessing.
3. The Numbers Don’t Add Up
Let’s do the math: A college student working 30 hours a week at $9 per hour will gross around $1,080 a month. In our area, rent for a shared apartment can easily be $550, not counting utilities, food, and other necessities. Working so many hours while juggling a full course load leaves little time for studying. The alternatives to living at home—taking on student debt, asking us for extra support, or working more hours at the expense of their studies—are not appealing. We’ve sacrificed so much to keep them debt-free; we don’t want them to compromise that.
4. We Love Them
Ultimately, we want our kids to have opportunities we didn’t. By letting them stay at home, we’re helping them graduate without debt, which is increasingly rare in today’s economy. Experts like Mohamed A. El-Erian suggest our children’s generation may be worse off than ours. Meanwhile, Cliff Zukin from Rutgers notes that they may face a lifelong struggle with income. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics indicates the unemployment rate for those under 25 is 14.3%. With such grim prospects, we believe our current sacrifices will pay off for them in the long run.
I can already hear the critics claiming we’re enabling our kids and hindering their independence. But let me clarify: both of our children are fiercely independent adults who simply happen to call our house home. They have their own living space upstairs, complete with bedrooms, a bathroom, and a lounge, all of which they maintain. They come and go as they please, and during meal times, we barely cross paths. In many ways, we feel like empty nesters! While this living arrangement might not work for everyone, it suits us perfectly. Maybe those collectivist cultures have it figured out, and perhaps my husband and I are onto something good.
Conclusion
In summary, allowing our adult children to stay at home while they pursue their education isn’t just practical—it’s a decision rooted in love, support, and the desire to give them a better start in life. As we navigate this unique family dynamic, we embrace the benefits of a close-knit household and the advantages it brings for our children’s futures.
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