Updated: Dec. 2, 2023
Originally Published: June 30, 2015
It’s been over three decades since my parents decided to part ways, and I was just 11 at the time. Fast forward to now, I’m happily married with three kids of my own: an 11-year-old, a 9-year-old, and a 7-year-old. Let me tell you, marriage isn’t a walk in the park, and neither is divorce. One thing I’ve learned while parenting is that children don’t follow a preset blueprint for what they think their lives should look like. My kids aren’t comparing their childhood to some fictional perfect scenario—they’re simply living in the moment.
When my parents sat me down to explain their separation, I didn’t see my home as “broken”; that’s adult talk. Kids are surprisingly adaptable. Sure, they feel pain and ask questions, but the tendency to dwell on the past is an adult pastime. When my dad moved into his own place, it wasn’t a tragedy; it was just a new normal.
1. Bad Behavior Gets Misattributed to Divorce
One of the first things I noticed after my parents’ split was that any mischief I got into was often blamed on the divorce. “Oh, Jamie is acting out again; it must be the separation.” Nope! I’ve always had a flair for dramatic expressions—no need to pin that on my parents’ breakup.
2. Guilt Reigns Supreme
Next up was the guilt that hung over my parents. Every parent deals with guilt, but separation amplifies it. It’s like a uniquely adult struggle where we obsess over our choices, thinking we can somehow make things right through overcompensation. For a while, my sister and I enjoyed guilt-fueled goodies—guilt ice cream, guilt trips to the zoo, and so on—until we realized we couldn’t keep up with this adult-style guilt binge. Kids aren’t built for that kind of emotional feast.
3. Family Is What You Make It
Another lesson learned was that family is family, regardless of how you label the players. Whether you call your parents Mom and Dad or Steve and Linda, your family unit is uniquely yours. We blended traditions, faced the occasional awkwardness, and had our share of belated birthday celebrations. Sometimes I wondered what life would’ve been like if my parents hadn’t divorced, but more often, I appreciated the unique experiences that came from their decision.
4. Love Knows No Labels
Finally, one of the most profound lessons I learned is that love isn’t defined by names or shared addresses. The emotional connections we forge with those around us come from genuine experiences, not from societal expectations. My stepdad entered the picture a bit late and struggled with the role, but over time, we created our own form of family. We had what we called “breakfast chats” where he helped me navigate my teenage dilemmas over pancakes. I cried, but I also grew.
Kids are perceptive and adaptable, often changing their minds about what they want (one day it’s homemade cookies, the next it’s flashy store-bought cupcakes). They tackle challenges without the heavy baggage of adult regrets. For instance, when my youngest daughter broke her leg, she only took a few minutes to mope before declaring, “I’m a 7-year-old with a broken leg, but I’m still awesome!” My husband even adjusted the tree fort he was building to accommodate her cast. She never looked back, except to check if her siblings were keeping up.
While I can’t wave a magic wand to erase the challenges of divorce, I aim to ease the discomfort of it all. Ultimately, we emerge from these experiences just fine.
For more insights and tips on home insemination and family dynamics, check out this article and consider visiting Make a Mom for expert advice. You can also explore CCRM IVF’s blog for valuable resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Growing up in a divorced household taught me invaluable lessons about adaptability, emotional connections, and the true meaning of family. While divorce can be challenging, it also opens up new opportunities for love and understanding.