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By Jamie Thompson
Updated: June 6, 2019
Originally Published: June 12, 2015
Dear Kid,
I hate to break it to you, but it appears your mom has officially lost her marbles. This summer, she’s transformed into a hyperactive planner, determined to pack every moment of your break with activities that are supposedly “educational.”
Summer camps, music lessons, swimming classes—you name it, she’s got it on the docket. From sunrise to sunset, your days will be meticulously organized to ensure your so-called “growth.” And wait, you’re not even in middle school yet? Tough luck! Suck it up, little buddy; it’s time for summer “fun.”
Forget about building forts; you’ll be knee-deep in robotics or practicing the viola, even if you can barely remember your last birthday. If you’re one of the fortunate ones, there might be an hour or two of “free play” scheduled. (Yes, scheduling free time is a bit absurd.)
Here’s the deal with your overzealous Helicopter Mom: she just can’t help herself. Every second of your life—from the moment you were born until you’re settled in a comfy office chair—will revolve around ensuring you’re “ahead.” Why? Because she was raised by her own set of Helicopter Parents—your grandparents. They’re exhausting to deal with, and if you’re a laid-back parent (like me), you can’t stand their nonstop buzzing.
I feel you, kid.
We’d love to put a stop to the worst of them, but then who would organize anything? Just kidding (sort of). Honestly, we’re terrified of your super-organized, Pinterest-savvy mom. We don’t want to get too close, lest we catch the planning bug.
For now, she’s free to roam, but we’re keeping a watchful eye. Meanwhile, here’s her summer planner. Hand it over to your mom, and then maybe make a quick getaway.
5 Ways to Ruin Your Kid’s Summer
- Make Every Moment a “Learning” Opportunity.
If you’re the type of mom who trails behind your child on the playground, narrating every move to “enhance their development,” we kindly ask you to take a chill pill. Grab a latte and relax, just like the rest of us. Seriously. - Obsess Over Your Kid.
Want to create a perpetually anxious, co-dependent adult? Focus obsessively on every little thing they do. Let your child know that you’re planning, organizing, and executing every single aspect of their life. Who cares about what they actually enjoy? Building forts is for toddlers. Swimming for fun? Crazy talk! - Fixate on Their Future.
Your intentions might be good—prepping their resume for college applications (which are probably years away). Activities, volunteering, leadership, sports, STEM—you’ve got it all covered. But did you remember to let your kid just be a kid? A stressed-out kid won’t thrive for long. Look at the Millennials; we had good grades but still managed to struggle. Relax a little, skip the quinoa, and just order a pizza! - Forget What “Fun” Really Is.
Fun isn’t having your mom hover behind a camera. It’s not about social media updates or pinning meals you’ll never make while your kid begs for attention. Real fun means genuine moments, real relationships, and some good old-fashioned play. Get outside and meet some real-life friends at the park or pool—those are the people who will help create the memories your kids will cherish. - Start Counting Down to Summer’s End.
Yes, we know working with kids at home can be challenging. But guess what? Most of us are juggling work too. Cut the whining about how you can’t wait for summer to end. You do remember wanting kids, right? So, silence that phone, put it away, and create some memories with those wild little hooligans you brought into this world.
Kid, your parents will claim that your happiness is their top priority. This summer, make sure they stick to that promise. If you miss a robotics class because you were off building a fort in the backyard, I’m confident you’re picking up the real-life skills that matter.
Now, let’s work together to convince your parents. I’ll pull my weight if you pull yours—starting with getting outside!
Sincerely,
Lazy Parent
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