You know those moments when your logical mind tells you something isn’t worth stressing over, but your inner fierce warrior refuses to back down? Well, my inner warrior can be quite loud.
I recognize that I am cherished by my partner and our kids, and I know my role in our family is significant. I handle everything from preparing lunches, getting the kids ready for bed, cutting nails, assisting with teeth brushing (except after they’ve had ice cream), to doing laundry, school drop-offs, and even helping with homework. I teach life lessons, create unforgettable memories, and cultivate special connections with each of our children. I understand that these contributions, alongside my love, define my motherhood.
However, when the kids refer to me as “Jamie” instead of “Mom,” it can be a bit disheartening. I know they sometimes mention having three moms or ask if they can call me Mom. They even call out for “the other Mommy” when I’m not the one responding to them, and they’ll tell their friends, “I can’t do that; my mom says no,” even after they’ve just asked to do something they know is off-limits.
But when your name is “Jamie,” it can be hard for others to recognize that.
While I strive to keep my heart in a good place, my inner warrior still gets riled up. She gets annoyed when I hear, “Jamie, can we play for five more minutes?” and others think I’m just the babysitter. (Let’s just say, being labeled as a nanny in the beginning was a hard pill to swallow.)
My warrior feels a rush of heat when I need to sign a permission slip or call the school, and I get questioned because my name doesn’t match that of my kids or my partner’s. And don’t even get me started on parent-teacher conferences or doctor appointments, where people wonder why I want to be there.
Then there are moments when someone gives one of our kids a shirt that says “Mommy Loves You.” Excuse me? Jamie loves you too! But no one’s making shirts for me.
Rationally, I understand it’s silly to squabble with the woman I love over a “Mommy’s Little Devil” shirt for school. It’s not about preventing my partner, the biological mother, from dressing our kids in quirky clothing—it’s that I don’t get that chance at all.
Sure, my rational side knows there are countless opportunities I have as “Jamie” that I’m incredibly thankful for. These moments of frustration are rare and, thankfully, fleeting. But I’d be lying if I said they didn’t happen.
So, my dear kids, if one day you want to decorate your graduation cap with “Jamie Loves You,” go for it! My inner warrior will cheer louder than you can imagine—and yes, it will likely embarrass you, just like I always have, as you would expect from your mom.
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
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Summary
This piece explores the unique challenges faced by a non-biological mother, named Jamie, who navigates the complexities of being valued in her family despite not being called “Mom.” It highlights the love and contributions she makes as a parent while acknowledging the frustrations that arise from societal perceptions.