Welcome to our Spring 2015 toddler course schedule! If you’re nearing the big two, be sure to chat with your guidance counselor about registration.
Pants: The Ultimate Battle
In this introductory class, we’ll explore the age-old struggle of why parents insist on pants. Is it social norms? Cold weather? Who knows! Learn from our expert faculty (a group of savvy four-year-olds) on how to effectively voice your objections. Tried yelling “NO PANTS!” with little success? We’ll teach you advanced techniques in “adamant refusal.” (Wednesdays and Fridays, 6 PM – 9 PM)
Shelf Exploration: Wild and Free
Join us for another thrilling session in the campus library, much to the librarians’ dismay. Discover the art of pulling everything off shelves—no item is off-limits! (Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, 7 PM – 9 PM)
Welcome to Toddlerhood
New to this wild world? This class is essential for understanding the basics before specializing in specific areas. Our guest speakers will cover crucial topics like: how to open cabinets filled with cleaning supplies, sneezing on loved ones, and mastering competitive goldfish cracker consumption. Plus, become a pro at innocently crushing avocado into the family dog’s fur! (Mondays and Wednesdays, 12 PM – 4 PM)
The Power of Persistent Requests
Missing your favorite shows? This one-week intensive course teaches you how to ensure adults cater to your viewing preferences. With a limited vocabulary of under 70 words, you’ll learn to demand a non-stop loop of your favorite programs—such as a nine-hour Mickey Mouse Clubhouse marathon! (Monday-Friday, 1 PM – 8 PM)
Strategic Lego Placement
Want to ensure your parents step on Legos in the dark? This class teaches you the best locations to leave your toys for maximum discomfort. Remember, Legos not provided! (Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, 7 PM – 9 PM)
(Prerequisite: “Where to Leave Small Matchbox Cars So That Your Parents Will Step on Them in the Dark”)
Introduction to Not Sharing
This popular class fills up quickly! Sign up now, or risk losing your chance. If you miss it, too bad! No crying or yelling will change our minds; this is MY class! (Tuesdays and Fridays, 12 PM – 3 PM)
Slow-Motion Walking
Join us for a leisurely stroll to a nearby building, littered with fascinating sticks and little pieces of paper. Arriving on time? Expect a failing grade! (Wednesdays and Fridays, 4 PM – 6 PM)
Escape Artist 101: Climbing Out of Your Crib
Tired of being confined? This energetic class is perfect for the adventurous toddler eager to leave the crib behind. Learn techniques for a successful escape while exploring questions like “Does it hurt to land on hardwood floors?” and “Can my mobile support my weight for a Tarzan-style exit?” (Wednesdays, 8 PM – 4 AM)
Food Refusals: A Culinary Art
Perfect the skill of rejecting delicious meals due to “touching” or the presence of “green things.” Our professional chefs will prepare a five-course meal for you to creatively refuse, toss, or even smear into your hair while expressing your discontent! (Mondays and Thursdays, 6 PM – 9 PM)
Intermediate Art: Unleashing Creativity
Just because you’re still mastering language doesn’t mean you can’t express yourself! This class is perfect for unleashing your artistic side, using glue, permanent markers, and your parent’s furniture as your canvas. (Tuesdays and Thursdays, 12 PM – 3 PM)
For more insights on parenting and family topics, check out this excellent resource on infertility or explore more about our home insemination kits. Additionally, you can learn more about our advertising practices here.
Summary:
This Spring 2015 Toddler Course Catalog offers a humorous and playful exploration of essential toddler skills, ranging from mastering the art of refusing pants to learning how to ensure Legos are left in strategic places. Each course promises to equip young learners with the tools they need to navigate their world—one tantrum at a time!