The days leading up to my 40th birthday were like a thrilling countdown to a grand reveal, as if I were about to shed a worn-out coat and step into a new, radiant life. Forty felt like the magical age where everything would fall into place, and I’d finally gain the superpowers I’d always yearned for: confidence, clarity, and purpose.
Yet, when the big day arrived, I woke up feeling nearly identical to how I always had: a bit ambivalent, juggling the chaos of motherhood, and uncertain about what lay ahead. Weeks passed, then months, then a year. My life remained pretty much unchanged. Just when I thought I had my path figured out, I found myself expecting my third child, sending my dreams of a fabulous 40s into a detour back to the realm of new motherhood.
It became clear that I couldn’t continue to hide behind the role of mom for another decade. I needed to carve out my own definition of confidence, clarity, and purpose rather than waiting for them to manifest. Like many late bloomers, it has taken me a few years to find solid ground and discover what truly resonates with me. Here’s what I’ve learned in my mid-40s:
I don’t just need to get over things; I need to navigate through them.
Growing up, the mantra in my house was “Get over it, you’re great, move along.” This approach was fine for minor setbacks, but as my marriage deepens and my kids grow up, I’ve come to realize that life is about acknowledging the tough moments rather than shoving them aside. Getting through something involves experiencing it fully, which opens up a richer, multidimensional life filled with all the emotions—sadness, anger, joy, and more.
Letting go creates room for new beginnings.
This builds on the concept of navigating through experiences. Once I’ve processed a challenging situation, I strive to release the heavy emotions tied to it, allowing space for something positive to enter my life.
What others think of me? Not my concern.
A wise friend of mine, Jenna, once told me that other people’s opinions are none of my business. While I always knew this on some level, living it has been a challenge for this lifelong people-pleaser. I realize now that no matter how hard I try, I can’t make everyone happy. Instead of worrying about others’ judgments, I choose to focus my energy on being true to myself and nurturing my closest relationships.
Bravery shows up every day.
In my 20s, bravery was all about big leaps—like climbing mountains and moving across the country. In my 30s, it evolved into major life choices like marriage and motherhood. Now, in my 40s, bravery is found in the small acts: writing daily, expressing my disagreements with friends, or saying “no” to my kids when it’s easier to say “yes.” It’s about embracing the small victories and acknowledging that they matter.
Self-kindness is essential.
Mistakes? Oh, they’ll happen. I’ll forget appointments, raise my voice, and sometimes indulge in a few extra snacks. I’ve been my own worst critic, often overlooking the wins amidst my blunders. It’s a waste of time, and it doesn’t help my daughters either when they see me berating myself for minor slip-ups. As long as nobody is hurt or broken, these mistakes are just bumps along the road.
Aging? I’m totally okay with it.
I’m not old, but I’m realistic about my age. I have no desire to relive my 20s or 30s. Sure, I had fun, but I was also more anxious and less self-assured back then. Yes, I worry about wrinkles and sagging skin, but the older I get, the more I realize it’s what’s on the inside that truly counts.
Don’t fear; stay alert.
I admit, the physical changes that come with aging can be daunting. Although I am healthy now, I’ve become more aware of my well-being, my sleep patterns, and my lifestyle choices. It’s crucial for me to prioritize my health—no need to starve myself or force workouts just for quick results. Listening to my body is key.
Accepting compliments is a practice.
When someone compliments me, I’m working on simply saying, “Thank you.” I often follow it with self-deprecating remarks or a need to return the favor, which dilutes the sincerity of the moment. Allowing myself to fully receive compliments helps me appreciate them more and fosters genuine connections with others.
It’s not that I’ve still got it; it’s that I’m finally figuring it out.
I’m not referring to looks or charisma; it’s about understanding what truly matters: confidence, clarity, and intention. Slowing down, being present, and embracing happiness, patience, and forgiveness are all worthwhile pursuits that require effort—and I’m committed to that journey.
Better late than never, right?
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In summary, navigating through life’s ups and downs, embracing vulnerability, and recognizing the value of self-kindness are key lessons I’ve learned in my late blooming. It’s a journey that I’m grateful to be on, one that continues to shape who I am.