Navigating communication with your ex can feel like walking through a minefield, especially if you have kids together. I remember the early days of my divorce, where texting became my go-to method for discussing visitation arrangements and other delightful co-parenting topics. Spoiler alert: It wasn’t a pretty sight. I’ve kept those cringe-worthy texts as a reminder of the chaos and as a lesson on how to communicate better in the future. Here are some friendly tips I’ve learned along the way.
1. Take a Deep Breath
In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to feel compelled to reply to every single message from your ex. I used to think that ignoring them would be seen as a sign of fault. Now, when I get a text that grates on my nerves or leaves me scratching my head, I take a moment—sometimes three deep breaths—to calm my thoughts before responding.
2. Not Every Message Needs a Reply
After I’ve taken a breath, I ask myself if the text requires a response. Often, the answer is a resounding no. Trust me, it’s usually better to let some comments slide—your peace of mind is worth more than adding fuel to the fire.
3. Silence Can Be Powerful
You might think that as a writer, I have to get my words out there, but I’ve learned that sometimes the best response is silence. Letting a message sit without a reply can carry its own weight, especially if the comment is particularly rude or uncalled for.
4. Set a Response Deadline
If a text requires a thoughtful reply and I’m feeling unsure, I give myself a deadline to respond. Whether it’s 24 hours or until next week, allowing time for my emotions to settle helps me craft a more composed reply.
5. Use Email for Documentation
For important matters, switching to email can be a lifesaver. It allows you to document plans and decisions more formally—no one wants to kick off holiday planning with a “Hey, what’s up?” email! Plus, it’s easier to track and archive emails than to sift through a chaotic text history. If you ever find yourself on the receiving end of threatening texts, remember to take a screenshot and email it to yourself for safekeeping.
6. Remember, Nothing Lasts Forever
This goes for relationships and text messages alike. I’ve sent my fair share of late-night, emotionally charged texts that I cringe at today, but I also have to scroll past the negativity from my ex. The key is to fill up your message list with happier, loving texts from friends and family; they help drown out the bad vibes.
7. Imperfection is Okay
Even seasoned ex-texters like me have slip-ups. I’ve kept my past messages as reminders of what not to do in future relationships. Learning from these experiences can help you communicate more effectively down the line.
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In summary, texting your ex doesn’t have to be a battleground. With a few mindful strategies, you can maintain effective communication while preserving your sanity.