The “It’s On Us” campaign has recently released a thought-provoking video that sheds light on the insidious nature of rape culture. You might think phrases like “He’s just teasing you because he likes you” or “Just man up” are harmless, but they are anything but trivial. Dismissing these comments as being overly sensitive ignores the serious issue of sexual assault. If we’re not addressing this issue head-on, we’re letting our children down.
Our children are growing up amidst a troubling sexual environment, and the language we use can contribute to the problem. The latest video from the It’s On Us initiative, created in collaboration with the Ad Council and the SheKnows Hatch program, illustrates how everyday remarks can reinforce harmful stereotypes and victim-blaming attitudes.
Consider phrases like:
- “Boys will be boys”
- “How much did you drink?”
- “What were you wearing?”
- “She was asking for it”
- “Were you flirting with him?”
In just 90 seconds, the video emphasizes how these common expressions encourage boys to adopt hyper-masculine behaviors while placing blame on girls for the actions of boys. This flawed mentality often extends to cases of sexual assault and rape, which is simply unacceptable.
As a parent, you may find yourself questioning the truth behind recent headlines. Perhaps you think that because you’re raising boys, this doesn’t concern you, or you may be unsure about your stance. However, it’s crucial to recognize the reality: Every 109 seconds, someone in America is sexually assaulted, and disturbingly, every eight minutes, that victim is a child. Alarmingly, only six out of every 1,000 offenders are ever imprisoned. This situation is dire, and our children—both girls and boys—are suffering.
Take the case of 20-year-old Alex Rivers, who was convicted of raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster. He faced three felony charges yet served only three months in jail. To make matters worse, Rivers’ father referred to the assault as “20 minutes of action” and expressed concern for his son missing out on steak dinners. The survivor’s past drinking was emphasized, raising the question: In what universe is this acceptable? Referring to sexual assault as an “action” trivializes the trauma endured by victims, and nothing—absolutely nothing—justifies such heinous acts.
Rape culture is pervasive, and it thrives when we use language that blames victims or implies they are at fault. We uphold this culture by allowing offenders to escape serious consequences for their actions. This is simply outrageous, but we can effect change.
We need to take a moment to reflect on our language and the lessons we impart to our children. Are our conversations at home inadvertently supporting a cycle of sexual violence? Many of us have chuckled awkwardly at inappropriate jokes or ignored troubling comments about sexual matters to avoid discomfort in social situations. I admit I’ve let comments slide in professional settings, fearing repercussions for speaking up. But now, with awareness comes responsibility.
To break this cycle, we must educate our children about consent. Teach them that their bodies and boundaries are theirs alone. No one is entitled to sex, and if they ever feel pressured into unwanted sexual situations, that is sexual assault—period.
Let’s commit to being part of the solution in ending sexual violence. It starts with open dialogues among ourselves and with our kids. Our words carry weight. Acknowledging what we say and how we act is a pivotal first step.
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In summary, it’s imperative that we recognize our role in perpetuating or challenging rape culture. The language we choose and the lessons we teach can make a monumental difference in shaping our children’s perspectives and behaviors.