Navigating life as a gay dad can be quite the adventure! While the biggest challenge doesn’t stem from raising my kids, who are already curious about why we don’t have a “Mommy,” it’s more about how to explain our family dynamics to others. My twins are smart and open-minded, so that part is manageable. The tricky part? Dealing with the myriad of reactions from the outside world.
You’d be surprised at the questions we get. “Where’s your wife?” “Who’s their mom?” or “I wish my husband would take the kids to the park sometimes.” When my partner, Mike, and I are out together, the classic question arises: “Which one of you is the dad?”
We could easily dodge the question, but what message would that send to our children? That our family is something to be ashamed of? Instead, we choose to enlighten. “We’re both the dads,” we respond, and then we wait for their reaction.
After two years of this, I’ve come to realize that people’s responses tend to fall into five distinct categories. Here’s a rundown of the five types of people you might meet as a gay dad:
1. Your New Bestie
Reaction: Over-the-top excitement
Within moments of meeting Mike and me, these folks are ready to embrace us, add us on social media, and even invite us to Thanksgiving! They think it’s incredible that our kids have two dads and want to showcase our family to their own children. “Look, Emma! This is their dad, and that’s their other dad! Isn’t that awesome?” They’re practically giddy, and honestly, who wouldn’t want more friends like that?
2. The Nonchalant Allies
Reaction: Casual indifference
These individuals are cool, but perhaps a bit too cool for comfort. They often mention they know other gay dads, trying to play it off like it’s no big deal. “Oh, right! There are two dads at my kid’s school.” They don’t want to be seen as surprised or uncool, so they act like it’s just another day. Even so, we appreciate their acceptance.
3. The Closet Homophobes
Reaction: Polite evasion
This category is tricky. They may not be outright hostile, but their discomfort is palpable. “Oh, how nice. Um, I need to go over here now.” They’re the ones who would rather avoid or ignore us than engage in any conversation that could challenge their worldview. Their kids’ innocent questions, like “Where’s their mommy?” may lead them to awkwardly deflect or even lie. But not on my watch! I’m proud of my family, and I make sure my kids know that.
4. The Confused Bystanders
Reaction: Total bewilderment
These folks are often the most entertaining. Some people just can’t wrap their heads around our family setup. I once had a car salesman insist that our minivan was for “you and your brother.” Nope, it’s for our twins! Sometimes, it’s hard not to chuckle at their confusion, like the guy at the restaurant who just couldn’t accept there could be “two dads.” He kept repeating, “No two dads!” as if it were a magic spell.
5. The Moral Guardians
Reaction: Outspoken condemnation
These are the people we dread. They’re not just silent; they want the world to know they think our family is an abomination. They’ll throw around religious quotes and threaten to call child services, believing they’re doing society a favor. Luckily, I’ve yet to encounter one of these individuals, possibly because they’re more of a myth than a reality. But I’m ready with my comebacks just in case!
Before my twins were born, I thought I’d face these moral crusaders constantly. Instead, I focused on preparing for the worst while embracing the joys of fatherhood. If you ever see Mike and me out with our kids, don’t hesitate to come say hi! We love sharing our story and meeting new people. Plus, it helps our kiddos feel like little celebrities!
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In summary, while reactions to being a gay dad can vary widely, they often fall into predictable categories. Whether it’s new friendships, indifference, or confusion, I’m always ready to embrace the moment and share my family’s unique journey.