Hold on, before you dive in, take a second to close your eyes and think back to your happiest childhood memory. What pops into your mind? What were you up to? Who were you hanging out with?
If you’re anything like me, those joyful memories are probably filled with friends, not parents. And it turns out, we’re not alone in this! Dr. Mark Rivers, author of Adventurous and Joyful: The Power of Time Away from Parents, reveals that when he runs this exercise with parents, only about 20 percent remember special family moments like vacations or holidays. A whopping 80 percent recall those exhilarating times spent with friends, exploring and just being kids—away from us.
I’ve been contemplating Dr. Rivers’ insightful ideas a lot lately, especially since my 9-year-old daughter, Lily, is gearing up for her very first sleepaway camp adventure. Just like her, I went to camp the summer after fourth grade, and I had an absolute blast! I still cherish those weeks filled with inside jokes, amazing counselors, and, yes, even the adorable boys. Not to mention the canoe trips and the endless s’mores! I’m thrilled for her to experience this, but there’s also a little anxiety gnawing at me. What if she doesn’t like it? What if she loves it way too much?
My mom once shared that my summer at camp was when she first realized that parenting wouldn’t always revolve around that “constant need.” Back then, I didn’t fully grasp what she meant, but now it makes perfect sense. Lily has blossomed from a tiny baby needing round-the-clock attention to a confident kid ready to spend two weeks away from home (with responsible adults, of course—this isn’t a scene from some wild movie!). It was Lily who expressed the desire to attend camp this year, likely influenced by my own enthusiasm for my camp experiences.
Isn’t this what I wanted? For my child to gain independence and take those baby steps towards carving her own path in the world? Dr. Rivers makes a compelling case that stepping away from parental supervision allows children to uncover their inner resilience and develop vital life skills through new challenges. He emphasizes that giving our kids some space—even if we’re doing it out of love—is one of the best gifts we can offer. After all, as he puts it, “We can’t keep our kids perfectly safe, but we can sure drive ourselves nuts trying.”
Yikes!
There’s a chance Lily might get to camp and feel so homesick that she’s begging to come home after just three tear-filled days. I’m bracing myself for that possibility. But I also need to be ready for her to have such a fantastic time that she’ll be sad—and possibly miffed—when we show up to take her home.
While I’ll be anxiously checking my phone, worrying about everything that could go wrong during those long July days, it’s entirely possible that Lily won’t be thinking about me at all. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. I hope those two weeks are a whirlwind of excitement and freedom for her, even if they feel a bit bittersweet for me.
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Summary
Giving children the opportunity to spend time away from their parents, such as attending sleepaway camp, fosters independence and resilience. While parents may feel nervous about this separation, it’s essential for kids to explore the world on their own terms. The author reflects on her own camp experiences and acknowledges the mixed feelings about her daughter embarking on a similar journey.