How delightful! The organizers of the Cannes Film Festival are so committed to promoting good taste that they’ve mandated all women attending red carpet events to don high heels. That’s right—ladies, regardless of age or health, were turned away if they dared to wear flats. How generous of them to ensure women arrive in “elegant” attire, as if the only way to look sophisticated is by teetering on stilts while trying to balance on overpriced footwear.
I must confess, I have a soft spot for shoes and even enjoy wearing high heels. However, let’s be honest: heels are incredibly uncomfortable and impractical. Living in Los Angeles, where even a short walk can feel like a marathon, I’m all for high heels—as long as I don’t have to actually walk anywhere in them! Drop me in a city where walking is essential, and I’ll be in my comfy ballet flats faster than you can say “designer.” And if I find myself at a film festival, standing for hours? You’ll bet I’ll be in chic, sensible flats.
It occurred to me that the Cannes Film Festival officials likely wouldn’t impose such heel requirements if they had ever experienced the discomfort themselves. Had they ever worn a pair of stilettos or attempted to walk through the Palais in Manolos, their tune would surely be different—probably a lot flatter.
Fashion Staples Men Should Try
In fact, there’s an entire list of women’s fashion items men should be required to try on if they want to insist on such standards. Here are a few that spring to mind:
Spanx
Any man who desires their partner to achieve a Kardashian-level silhouette should have to spend a night in Spanx. Sure, they smooth out those curves, but they also restrict circulation and can make you feel like a sausage in a casing. Honestly, I’d take “a bit chubby” over “I can’t breathe” any day!
Underwire Bras
We need an equivalent for men’s anatomy! If men could experience the joy of having underwire digging in all day long, they might finally understand the struggle. Bonus points for the “bra fat” situation down below!
Dresses
Who determined that women should wear clothing that feels like it’s made for a drafty evening? Honestly, wouldn’t men benefit from the ease of a dress? With their constant adjustments and the need for quick bathroom access, I think they’d appreciate the ventilation.
Makeup
Every man should try wearing mascara at least once to grasp why his partner sometimes opts for a makeup-free day. By the end of the day, those lashes could feel like cactus needles—if the cactus was aimed right at his eye. Fun, right?
Skinny Jeans
These should really be labeled as “children’s clothing,” since only kids seem to fit comfortably in them! Most women squeeze into skinny jeans from the ankles up, sacrificing mobility for style. It’s only fair that men experience the sensation of losing feeling in their calves for half a day too!
So, a big thank you to the Cannes Film Festival for dictating our fashion choices! Maybe next year, we’ll see some prominent men trying to navigate those four-inch heels while sporting a bra for their anatomy. Now that would be a spectacle worth watching!
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In summary, it’s high time men experience the fashion choices they impose on women. From Spanx that squeeze to heels that elevate, a little empathy goes a long way.