You can fret over climate change, melting ice caps, and those ominous asteroids hurtling toward Earth, but let’s talk about the real issue: it’s literally raining spiders in Australia. Honestly, isn’t it time we consider finding a new planet? Maybe we can take a tip from the folks in Interstellar or those charming gelatinous beings from WALL-E.
To recap the situation: spiders are falling from the sky. As a fully grown adult with a lovely spouse, two energetic kids, a financial planner (don’t ask), a stash of hotel rewards cards, cleaning supplies, and a Honda, I have to admit that the thought of spiders raining down makes me want to dive into a kangaroo pouch or perhaps hide under a kookaburra—whatever the local wildlife suggests for dodging arachnid apocalypse.
I have a deep-seated fear of only two things: heights and spiders. Well, maybe whales too, just a tad, because they’re massive. Sure, everyone claims, “They’re harmless filter feeders that serenade one another with beautiful sounds and occasionally rescue the Starship Enterprise.” But really, what if they’re dining on dolphins and old sea captains? You can’t trust whales, people.
Spiders? I can’t stand them. I’ve avoided the movie Arachnophobia for over two decades, and most of John Goodman’s films, just in case. Even trivial facts about spiders in my son’s books—like how humans unknowingly consume thousands of spiders in their sleep each year—don’t amuse me. They serve as a stark reminder of humanity’s failings. We’ve invented spray-on butter, cloud computing, and microwavable cheeseburgers, yet we can’t figure out how to prevent bugs from crawling into our mouths at night? If any scientists are reading this, please, redirect your efforts and stop me from accidentally munching on a tarantula.
Anyway, here’s a snapshot of Australia, where spider rain is an actual thing. Yes, that’s not snow; those are webs. It’s like a buffet for spiders, made entirely of trapped bugs and airborne Australian dirt—much healthier than any Golden Corral.
To make matters worse, I now share my home with an 11-year-old who champions insect rights. He gives me a disappointed look when I squash a spider, insisting I should gently escort them outside, perhaps with a red carpet treatment that would make even the Dalai Lama cringe. I hear he’d probably squash them if he were in my shoes.
Scientists suggest that these spiders are using a migration tactic called ballooning. They ascend trees and release strands of silk to catch the wind—essentially, they’re wind-surfing arachnids. But honestly, I don’t care if they’re fleeing biker gangs in Texas; that’s still terrifying. I hope Australia has flamethrowers on standby.
True story: once, I dreamt a spider was crawling on my neck, and when I woke up, I found a dead spider on my hand. So, if you ever dream about spiders, definitely check your surroundings upon waking.
For more interesting insights on home insemination, check out our other blog posts like this one on intracervical insemination. Speaking of which, if you’re exploring your options, Make A Mom offers fantastic resources. And don’t forget to visit American Pregnancy for excellent information on pregnancy and donor insemination.
In summary, while the prospect of spiders raining down is enough to send shivers down anyone’s spine, it’s just another day in the wild and wonderful world of Australia. Whether you’re dodging arachnids or contemplating parenthood, there’s plenty to ponder!