Mother’s Day is a delightful occasion, kids! While breakfast in bed is a sweet gesture, I’m more of a Raisin Bran enthusiast. However, those homemade pancakes you whipped up make me want to shower you with hugs and kisses. Thank you for that!
And dear partner, I absolutely appreciate the chic designer tennis dress you chose for me! But let’s be real—I’m no longer a size 2 and I don’t quite have the tall, slender physique of a model. Just because Lycra exists doesn’t mean it’s meant for everyone, especially after two kids and entering my forties!
My family means the world to me, and I’ll always respond to your loving gestures with enthusiasm and joy on this special day. But if you could take a peek inside my mind, you’d uncover what a mother really yearns for:
A Team of Pooper Scoopers
Let’s face it—dogs do their business in the yard. We have countless plastic bags from Safeway and CVS stowed away under the kitchen sink for this very task, along with colorful ones from PetSmart. Yet, somehow it always seems easier for you to step in it rather than scoop it up. So let’s share the love on this one! I don’t enjoy scraping dog waste from the soles of your shoes either.
The Right to Use the Bathroom in Peace
“Mooooooommmmmm!” yells my daughter, but of course, it’s only after I’ve finally dropped my pants and taken a seat. The other one barges in, asking about endangered elephants for a school project, all while I’m in the most vulnerable position imaginable. What a way to have a conversation!
Somebody Else to Handle Customer Service Calls—For a Year
Whether it’s Verizon, Electrolux, or Apple Support, I’m stuck in a never-ending cycle of “we care about you” while something is always malfunctioning. If you could just wrest my phone from my hands (if it’s even working), I’d really appreciate it if you could take over those frustrating calls for the next twelve months.
Dirty Socks in the Hamper
This one speaks for itself. A simple enough task, right?
Made Beds Without My Assistance
Child, your top bunk is a nightmare. Fitting a sheet on that mattress feels more like wrestling an alligator than making a bed. I often find myself avoiding the chore for weeks because, well, it’s just that daunting!
Kids Organizing Their Toys
Have you seen your playroom, little ones? Why are there 500 Littlest Pet Shop figures mixed in with every LEGO set ever? Toys are everywhere—seriously, I even dream about them! It’s time for a toy sorting party.
Chilled Champagne
Sharing a bottle of Veuve Clicquot with my beloved would be wonderful. At this point, I wouldn’t mind enjoying it solo either!
Hey, family! There’s always next year to make my dreams a reality!
If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination at WomensHealth.gov. You can also find great insights about boosting fertility supplements at Make A Mom. For additional details, feel free to review our terms and conditions!