There are moments in my marriage when the way my husband, Alex, looks at me in frustration makes me feel like I want to pull my hair out. It’s the little comments he makes that seem innocuous but, oh boy, the delivery can be infuriating. Sometimes, I just wish for a smooth flow of life, but instead, I find myself stressed by the way he conveys his excitement through stories, often leaving out key details that leave me utterly confused.
I’m sure he has his own list of grievances about my habits that drive him up the wall. Honestly, I could share a few, but I don’t want to bore you. Okay, fine, I’ll share a couple because it’s only fair.
- He dislikes how I leave laundry inside out.
- He wishes I handled laundry more often.
- He can’t stand that I don’t rinse dishes well enough before loading them into the dishwasher.
- He believes I could manage our finances better—he’s right.
- He wishes I was less sensitive and could let things go.
- He hopes I faked an interest in sports every now and then.
- He wants me to play outside with our kids more often.
- He wishes I wasn’t so perpetually exhausted from my chronic illness.
Some of these frustrations we openly discuss, while others are just acknowledged as the quirks of a couple who have been married for nearly nine years. A few years ago, the little annoyances escalated into bigger grievances. Our spacious home suddenly felt cramped as we both felt we were constantly stepping on each other’s toes. The resentment and frustrations grew, exacerbated by our poor communication.
As a result, the emotional distance between us widened, making it easier to breathe when we were apart. But as a family, we lacked the luxury of that space. The tension only increased, while our home felt smaller.
Let’s be real. Adding two strong-willed kids into the mix of two strong-willed adults didn’t exactly ease the tension. I often wondered if a perfect set of children would have changed our dynamics. Probably not.
Around two years ago, Alex and I found ourselves on the brink of divorce. We had progressed quite far down that road, with lawyers and legal paperwork becoming part of our reality. I even planned to buy a townhouse, a sleek contemporary home that was starkly different from our traditional house. Maybe I was subconsciously making a statement.
We engaged in serious conversations about how to break the news to the kids, how to divide our assets, and how to remain close for custody arrangements. It all felt surreal—because it was.
Then, just two weeks before I was set to move into my new place and right before we were supposed to sign the divorce papers, we had an epiphany: “What the heck are we doing?”
We realized neither of us truly wanted a divorce. We both craved change in our marriage but weren’t ready to throw in the towel.
One thought kept surfacing as divorce loomed closer: Alex is my teammate. He’s the first person I call when something wonderful happens, and the one I reach out to when my world feels like it’s crumbling. I couldn’t just abandon my team like that.
Marriage is tough—really tough. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either not married or blissfully ignorant. Two people come together, each with their own dreams and quirks, and suddenly, it’s expected to meld seamlessly. Sometimes it just doesn’t work that way. It demands ongoing communication, respect, and what often feels like an endless series of compromises.
Even now, after we’ve recommitted to each other, it can be exhausting.
Earlier, I mentioned the little things about Alex that frustrate me. It only seems right to share what makes him irreplaceable in my life:
- He always knows how to make me laugh.
- He loves our family and my own in a genuine way.
- He’s fiercely loyal to his friends.
- His passion for his interests—including sports—is inspiring.
- He won’t let me wallow in sadness for long.
- He’s a fantastic father.
- When he’s on his game, he’s a great husband.
- He compliments me, telling me my hair looks nice, even on bad hair days.
He will always be my person. Every day, we show up for each other, with each day bringing its own challenges. Some days we’re a dream team, and other days we clash over everything. Yet, I’m continually reminded that the person I chose for my team is who I need by my side right now, and I’m committed to showing up for him too.
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In summary, relationships can be a rollercoaster of emotions, but with commitment and understanding, we can navigate through the tough times together.
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