This weekend, my son made a bold move. No, he hasn’t morphed into a brooding teenager sporting piercings or ink. Instead, he’s a sweet, curious 12-year-old who loves basketball and is currently obsessed with Star Wars. So why the sudden buzz cut?
Ben has always been a fan of short haircuts. He thinks Marines look pretty cool and loves the freedom of not having to deal with a brush. Every time he visits the barber, he confidently asks for a “one buzz, please.” Meanwhile, I’m in the corner making frantic gestures to the barber, mouthing “not too short!”
For a while now, Ben had been pestering us to let him shave his head. He somehow believes it would be a cool statement, and he’s thrown our own parenting wisdom back at us: “You always say a bad haircut isn’t a big deal.” “It’s my head, so why can’t I do this?” And, of course, the classic kid line: “You never let me do anything I want.”
Adding to our parental dilemma, my husband, Jake, recalled his own childhood hair battles with his dad. Back then, it was Jake who wanted long hair, while his father insisted on a crew cut. Jake had promised himself that when he had a son, he wouldn’t fight over hairstyles. So, he suggested we let Ben have his way and shave his head. “Small acts of rebellion for small people,” he argued. “Let him find out that what he thinks he wants might not be as fun as he imagines.”
As much as I wanted to look away during the haircut, I couldn’t help but watch as the soft brown locks tumbled away. At first, Ben was thrilled to show off his bald head to his friends, relishing their shock and awe. He basked in the glory of being “the kid whose parents let him do anything.” Meanwhile, I cringed, feeling like the parent who lost control.
But it didn’t take long for Ben to realize that being bald had its downsides. Strangers stared at him, wondering what illness he had. Girls started bothering him (and at this age, girls are still annoying) asking if they could touch his shiny scalp. Most surprising of all, he was cold all the time! One buzz of the clippers had him trading his shorts and flip-flops for sweatshirts and hats. Just a few days in, and the novelty was already fading—thank goodness!
Jake’s initial plan was to allow Ben this small victory, believing we’d win the bigger battles later. Let him express himself now, while the stakes were low. I wasn’t quite so optimistic. I didn’t believe that letting him shave his head would stop him from wanting to stay out late, sneak a drink, or borrow my car in a few years. To my surprise, it seems to be working—for now.
For this week, Ben has mostly stopped nagging us about other things he’s not allowed to do. He made a big decision and doesn’t seem eager to take on any more responsibilities. He spread his wings only to come back for a sweater. The reality of adult decisions hasn’t quite matched his expectations, which is exactly what we were hoping for.
We took a small parenting risk—one that involved a buzz cut with no lasting consequences—and it seems to be paying off. Sure, I have to come to terms with the fact that every adult who sees Ben’s bald head might think we’re a bit nuts. But hopefully, he’s learned a lesson. As he grows older, there will be plenty of opportunities to test his independence and learn to deal with the outcomes. After all, hair does grow back.
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In summary, letting Ben shave his head turned out to be more than just a haircut; it was a small parenting experiment that opened the door for some valuable life lessons.