Growing up in a small southern town, I was surrounded by a culture that viewed spanking as a normal parenting tactic. I learned early on that if I misbehaved, I’d either have to be sneaky or pick my own switch. While I didn’t find myself in trouble often, I vividly remember the rare occasions I did. The dread of walking to my room, prepping for what was to come, still makes my stomach churn.
It wasn’t until I became a mother that I truly reflected on the effects of spanking. On my first night home from the hospital with my little boy, I was rocked by the sheer vulnerability of this tiny human snuggled against me. As tears streamed down my face, I whispered a promise: “Mommy will never lay a hand on you.”
Fast forward three years, and I found myself spanking my son for the first time. It was a knee-jerk reaction when he bolted into the street. I grabbed his arm and smacked his bottom, instantly seeing confusion, anger, and betrayal etched on his face. My mind quickly justified it: wasn’t this what parents were supposed to do? I had grown up believing in tough love, even when it felt wrong.
But my son’s behavior didn’t improve; it actually got worse. I watched him lash out at his little sister one day, and I was horrified. “We do NOT hit in this family!” I shouted. With tears in his eyes, he shot back, “But Mommy, you hit me!” His words pierced my heart and made me realize the contradiction I was living.
That evening, my partner, Alex, and I had an earnest discussion. Despite both growing up in households where spanking was a norm, we never intended to continue that cycle. After digging into the research, we were shocked to discover that spanking is not just ineffective but can lead to serious long-term issues like increased aggression and mental health problems in children.
Facing the reality that I had harmed my child made me feel sick. I had always thought my reasoning was justified, but everything crumbled when I looked at the facts. A quote I stumbled upon resonated deeply: “Is the child old enough to understand reason? Yes? Then reason with them. No? Then they’re not old enough to understand why you’re spanking them.”
It became clear that hitting my child didn’t add up; it was just something ingrained in me. That night, I quietly tiptoed into my son’s room, kissed his forehead, and promised him, “Mommy will never lay a hand on you again.” This time, I meant it.
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Summary
In this reflective piece, the author shares her journey from spanking her child to realizing its detrimental effects on behavior and mental health. After a pivotal moment of self-reflection and research, she and her partner commit to breaking the cycle of physical punishment.