Scrolling through my social media, I often feel disheartened by speculation surrounding tragic events, with people attributing them to mental health issues, overbearing parents, or academic pressure. The truth is, we simply don’t know what drives these heartbreaking decisions. Families affected by these tragedies rarely provide clear answers, and it’s likely that they never will. However, we do recognize certain pressures that are impacting our youth today. Local teen, Emily Johnson, put it best: “Parents, just breathe!”
To all the parents reading this: assume right now that your child is not getting into Stanford or any Ivy League school, for that matter. No, Harvard, Yale, and MIT aren’t on the table either. Really, I’m serious. Your child is probably not attending the prestigious college you envision.
Sure, you might point to someone else’s child attending Stanford, boasting impressive SAT scores and extracurriculars. That’s great for them! However, let’s not forget that last year, Stanford’s acceptance rate was under 5 percent. The numbers speak for themselves.
In the spirit of encouraging calmness (thanks, Emily!), I want to share some common questions I hear from parents, along with my candid responses. These are genuine concerns voiced by real parents over the past year, and I’m addressing them now based on my experiences in college admissions and as a community member.
Questions I Frequently Encounter
Freshman Parent: “My child is in honors math and has three hours of homework every night. If I have her drop the class, am I ruining her chances at Stanford?”
If your ninth grader has three hours of homework for one subject, that’s a red flag. This isn’t just about college admissions; it’s about managing time. With five or six subjects, there aren’t enough hours in the evening for that workload. Reach out to the teacher or the school. Seriously, don’t let your kid stay in classes like that!
Sophomore Parent: “My son has a ‘B’ in English. What can I do to help him improve his chances for Ivy admissions? Would an exotic summer trip help offset that grade?”
You want to “salvage” his grade? Newsflash: it’s not your job! That’s his responsibility. Also, no amount of summer service trips will change that grade.
Junior Parent: “How much do grades really matter? Can students with ‘B’s still get into the Ivies?”
Yes, grades matter, but let’s be real—students with ‘B’s do get admitted, though they’re the exception, not the rule.
Senior Parent: “My child is applying to 19 colleges.”
That’s not even a question! I might just scream into a pillow.
Junior Parent: “I had to sign a form for my son to take more AP classes. He needs to stay competitive!”
That’s an excuse, not a question. Limits exist for a reason. The phrase “stay competitive” often translates to “I’m in a competition with other parents.” If you’re bragging about your child’s workload, you should really reconsider.
Freshman Parent: “How many AP classes does my kid need to get into Yale? I hear some are taking up to 22!”
Realistically, a good target number is zero because your child likely won’t get into Yale. Did you miss that memo?
Questions I Wish Parents Would Ask
How much sleep does my teen need each night?
Teenagers require at least nine hours of sleep for their health.
How much homework does that leave time for?
If school ends at 3 p.m. and your child needs to rise by 7 a.m., bed should be at 10 p.m. That allows for dinner, activities, and homework.
My kid has more than seven hours of homework. What now?
Be proactive! Contact teachers and discuss the workload. If it remains unmanageable, send your child to bed and let the teacher know.
What if my kid won’t sleep at 10 p.m.?
Remove electronics before bed—you’re in charge here.
Everyone is signing forms for extra AP classes. What should I do?
Don’t sign the form! It’s okay if your child takes fewer APs.
Where should my child go to college?
Be open to various options. Some of the best schools may not be Ivies, so create a diverse list of colleges based on your child’s interests.
How much do grades and scores matter?
They’re important, but not the whole story. Schools look for well-rounded students, not just top grades.
How can I motivate my child for straight A’s?
Instead of focusing on grades, encourage your child to learn and do their best.
Does having perfect grades guarantee admission?
Nope! Perfection isn’t as rare as it once was.
I went to an Ivy. Does that increase my child’s chances?
The landscape has changed. Admissions are tougher now, and legacy doesn’t guarantee acceptance.
What if I want my child to go to a good school?
Let your child connect with school counselors to build a realistic list of colleges, considering all options.
How do I relieve pressure from my kid?
Stop implying that Harvard is the only goal from day one.
What should my child do for a better shot at college?
Encourage engagement in learning and activities they enjoy.
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In summary, while it’s natural for parents to wish for their children to attend prestigious universities, it’s crucial to maintain perspective and prioritize your child’s well-being above all else. Encourage them to explore various avenues, engage in learning, and foster healthy habits without the undue pressure of unrealistic expectations.