Dear future mom,
Put down that baby registry checklist for a moment. There are essential truths about new motherhood that I wish someone had shared with me before I embarked on this journey.
Sure, you’re busy preparing for your little one’s arrival—designing the perfect nursery, assembling the ultimate layette, and comparing every model of baby gear available. You’ve even meticulously crafted a birth plan for the hospital. You’ve mapped out every detail, from the ideal breast pump to the most stimulating toys and videos. But amidst all this preparation, there’s one crucial aspect you might overlook: yourself.
Once that baby arrives, you may find yourself falling into the trap of Self-Neglect. This sneaky little rascal will charm you with its ability to make you feel important, leading you to prioritize your baby’s needs over your own. You’ll go days without a proper shower, convincing yourself that using a burp cloth to wipe baby food off your yoga pants counts as hygiene. Shaving? That’ll happen once a month, and only from the knees down.
Your home will become a chaotic wonderland filled with swaddling blankets, plush toys, and baby gadgets. You’ll likely find it impossible to sit down without triggering a toy’s song, and you’ll drift off to sleep with the electronic echoes of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” in your ears.
As time passes, you may not notice when Self-Neglect shifts from a mild flirtation to a full-blown relationship. You’ll wake up one day and realize you barely recognize the person in the mirror. This uninvited guest will twist your perception of reality, making you feel guilty for taking even a moment for yourself. Basic self-care like eating or showering will feel like luxurious treats instead of necessities.
But it doesn’t have to be this way! A little flirtation with neglect is harmless, but don’t let it take up permanent residence in your life. Here’s a game plan, dear younger self, for striking a healthy balance between motherhood and self-care:
- Each afternoon, take a minute to check in with yourself. Are you feeling dirty, hungry, or lonely? Don’t let Mr. Neglect linger! If you can’t manage a full shower, at least wash your face, brush your teeth, and change your shirt. Grab a quick snack, and reach out to someone you trust. You wouldn’t let yourself feel this way under normal circumstances, so don’t accept it just because you’re a new mom.
- At night, take another minute to tune into your body. Is your heart racing? Are your muscles tight? Head outside for some fresh air, stretch, or listen to your favorite music. You might even have time for a bubble bath.
- Expect to lose some friends along the way. Navigating a relationship with Mr. Neglect takes time, and your child-free pals may not understand your struggles. It’s okay to set boundaries so you can focus on your own well-being. Just remember to keep it casual—no need to go all in.
- Your mother-in-law might not appreciate your boundaries, but let your partner handle that.
- Don’t hesitate to leave the baby with someone you trust for a bit of alone time. Go to your local coffee shop, enjoy an expensive latte, and soak in the adult atmosphere. Then, hit up Target to indulge in a shopping spree—stock up on essentials that will make you feel human again, like a fresh razor and a nice-smelling shampoo.
- Prioritize intimacy with your partner. Make a pact that you get to enjoy yourself first before anything else happens. Trust me; it’ll be worth it.
- Embrace moments of true self-indulgence when needed. After a tough day, it’s okay to devour a bag of chips or sip a margarita. Just remember the difference: self-care is about nurturing yourself regularly, while indulgence is a special treat that shouldn’t become a daily escape.
Take care of yourself, because you’re not just a mom; you’re a person who deserves love and care too. This lesson will serve you well, even as you grow older.
Love, Your Future Self
For more insights on motherhood, check out our other blog posts, including this one on intracervical insemination. If you’re exploring options for starting your family, Make a Mom offers great resources too. And for those facing challenges with female infertility, Drugs.com provides excellent support and information.