Just a few days after bringing my daughter Lily home from the hospital, I found myself barricaded in the bathroom at 1:30 AM, desperately trying to keep the noise down so I wouldn’t wake my husband. Tears streamed down my face as I battled excruciating pain, clutching a crumpled sheet of paper with the number for a lactation hotline. I knew breastfeeding could be challenging, but I felt reassured when the hospital nurse informed me about the 24-hour support line. I usually handle pain well, but this was pushing my limits.
Earlier that night, while attempting to feed Lily, I screamed in agony loud enough to make my husband anxious. I entertained the thought of asking him to run out for formula, anything to give my sore breasts a break. However, I decided to power through the feeding and tackle the next one later, leading me to my desperate call at 1:30 AM.
Finally, someone answered.
Strike one: It was a man. A MAN. I considered hanging up, but looking down at my bleeding, tender nipples made me reconsider. I took a deep breath, steadied my voice, and requested to speak with a lactation consultant.
To my dismay, the man informed me that the hotline was “backed up,” and I could expect a callback from a consultant in about four hours. FOUR HOURS.
I insisted that he didn’t comprehend the urgency of my situation, but he reassured me he understood and would have someone reach out as soon as possible. I would have to manage another feeding before help arrived, which was frustrating.
For the men reading this, let me paint a clearer picture. Imagine waking in the middle of the night to find that your most sensitive area is on fire. Before you can even react, you hear a shrill noise akin to a screaming piranha. You realize that the only way to silence the piranha is to deal with the fiery situation down below. You remember a hotline exists that could potentially help.
You pick up the phone, trembling with pain, and call.
WOMAN: “Flaming Balls Hotline, how can I assist you?”
YOU: “MY BALLS ARE ON FIRE!!!”
WOMAN: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Unfortunately, our call volume is quite high at the moment. However, I understand your frustration.”
YOU: “Seriously?! You have no idea what I’m going through!”
WOMAN: “Correct, I don’t have personal experience. But rest assured, someone who does will call you back within four hours. Please hold tight.”
YOU: “FOUR HOURS?! What am I supposed to do in the meantime?!”
WOMAN: “Well, the piranha needs to eat, so you might want to address that. Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.”
Gentlemen, does that clarify the situation?
After that call ended, I wanted to set that crumpled paper ablaze. Instead of a lifeline, I wished for a direct line to other women up at this ungodly hour, fighting the same battle. I could just imagine us banding together, a collective of sleep-deprived mothers storming the lactation hotline office, demanding faster help.
Yet, I also recognized that perhaps they truly were overwhelmed. They were likely doing everything they could to assist other women who, like me, were crying in the bathroom with their babies. Knowing that others were experiencing the same struggle offered a small sense of comfort.
It wasn’t the man’s fault he was on the other end of the line, but here’s a thought for the lactation hotline managers: I fully support workplace equality, but if this situation arises again, please ensure a woman is handling the calls. There are simply some things that only we can understand and express to one another.
And rest assured, I’ll steer clear of applying to the “Flaming Balls Hotline”—no thanks.
If you’re navigating similar challenges, check out more insights on breastfeeding and support options. For an excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Healthline. If you’re looking for at-home insemination kits, Make a Mom provides reputable options.
In Summary:
The experience of reaching out for lactation support can be frustrating, especially when the response time doesn’t match the urgency of your situation. It’s essential to remember that many women are experiencing similar challenges, and there is support available.
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