Can we have a chat about our sleeping arrangements? You know, the bed that was originally just for your dad and me but has somehow transformed into a full-blown family campout? Seriously, it’s like we’re hosting a slumber party every night with two dogs and three kids piled in. I love you all dearly, but this is getting out of hand.
Let’s roll back the clock a bit. Remember those blissful nights when you were just tiny babies and you slept soundly in your own beds? Those were the days! I felt like Julie Andrews dancing in a field of flowers, and let me tell you, my skin was glowing. Plus, your dad didn’t have to fund my coffee addiction. Everyone was happier!
But now? It feels like I’m trapped in a never-ending sleep-deprived nightmare. You might be tired and cranky, but I’m practically running on fumes. Let’s take a look at what a typical night looks like in our house (and I’m using “you” in a collective sense because you all seem to unite against sleep like a tiny rebellion).
A Typical Night
First, your dad and I tuck you into your cozy beds and say goodnight. We close the door, and then, like clockwork, you’re back downstairs within 7½ minutes because you have “something super important” to discuss. I get it, your sister’s booger incident is traumatic, but honestly, those are not valid reasons to exit! The only acceptable reasons for leaving your room? Repeat after me: ONLY IF YOU NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM OR YOU’RE BLEEDING.
Then, just as I get comfortable on the couch with a glass of wine (yes, I’m living my best life), you decide you need to poop. So, I have to peel myself away from my cozy blanket to help you.
Another round of “why does morning take so long?” rolls in about 20 minutes later, and we threaten to confiscate your stuffed animals if you don’t stay put. But alas, 20 minutes after that, you’re back again, feeling lonely because your sister is asleep. Cue the guilt trip that leads one of us to lie down in your creaky bed until you finally drift off.
Fast forward to 11 p.m., and I surrender any hope of a quiet evening and crawl into bed myself. Just when I think I’m finally getting some rest, the first child appears between midnight and 1 a.m., looking adorably sleepy. I pull you into bed because how can I resist, right? But as soon as you snuggle in, I’m wide awake, and what’s this? A foot in my face!
Then the second child arrives around 3 or 4 a.m. This means more shuffling and repositioning. Finally, as my alarm is about to go off, the third child joins the party. There’s literally no room left, and yet, you’re all cozied up in our bed—elbows and feet everywhere! I’m pretty sure I just got head-butted. Seriously, kids, can we start to see how bonkers this is?
I’m not sure how much longer we can keep this up. Let’s aim for just one night of uninterrupted sleep. Wouldn’t that be lovely?
With love,
Mom
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Summary: This light-hearted letter from a tired mom humorously explains the chaotic sleeping arrangements in her household filled with kids and pets, and her longing for just one peaceful night of sleep.