“Alright, let’s be the brains, and you can just be the pretty one.”
Those words struck me hard, coming from a couple of well-meaning buddies in high school. We teamed up for an English project, and I’d thought we were united because we were the brightest in our class. That comment left me questioning everything.
Enough with pretty.
I’m not talking about rejecting the idea of looking nice or dismissing others’ perceptions of beauty. I mean I’m exhausted by everything that “pretty” represents.
This is for my darling 3-year-old daughter, who loves trains and cars just as much as she enjoys dolls. She may pick pink cupcakes but insists that blue is her favorite color. Lately, she’s been asking why I put makeup on my face, and I’ve struggled with how to respond.
I could say it’s to enhance my looks, which is partly true, but doesn’t that imply I feel inadequate without it? What kind of role model would that make me? I don’t want you to believe that you need makeup to be beautiful. Because you are already amazing.
But I hesitate to tell you that. You’re so much more than pretty. You’re smart, brave, creative, funny, silly, generous, and full of spirit. Pretty is the last thing I want you to focus on.
Enough with pretty.
This is also for my wonderful 14-year-old stepdaughter, who is petite and stunning but despises every photo taken of her, convinced she’s overweight. I long for a time before selfies took over—a time when all you had to check yourself was a mirror, not a barrage of filters and angles on social media. Being a teenager was tough enough without that pressure.
I wish I could convince you that your worth isn’t tied to being “skinny” (which you’re not), and even if it were, you’d still be intelligent, thoughtful, independent, creative, and yes, you’d still be beautiful. Because beauty isn’t defined by a smaller nose or thinner thighs.
Enough with pretty.
And then there’s my incredible 17-year-old niece, who’s making waves in the Canadian modeling scene. Scouted by a top agency at just 16, she’s diving into a world that values looks above all else. I want to express how proud I am—but I’m also deeply concerned.
I worry that you might fall into the trap of an eating disorder just to keep up with other models or push yourself too hard. You must remember you’re much more than your appearance. You’re sharp, witty, hilarious, kind, and yes, you’re beautiful.
Enough with pretty.
I wish I could articulate why, after all this time, I still feel the need to wear makeup. I see women who go without it and think, “Wow! She looks fantastic, and you can tell she’s makeup-free.” Why would I assume others don’t think the same of me? My partner prefers me without makeup, yet I can’t imagine showing up to a gathering bare-faced. What am I so afraid of?
Pretty is a complex notion. I crave to fit into that mold, but I feel a surge of anger when it’s the first thing people notice about me. I’m fiercely protective of my youngest daughter’s exposure to the notion of beauty and all its implications.
In a world filled with Disney princesses, I worry our girls are learning that the heroine must always have a tiny waist and flawless hair, waiting to be rescued by a prince. That’s not the role models our girls should aim for. True heroines are girls like Malala Yousafzai, who faced tremendous danger for her education and became the youngest Nobel Peace Prize winner. Malala embodies courage, intelligence, eloquence—and yes, she’s pretty. But not because of her appearance; it’s her character that shines through.
Enough with pretty.
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In summary, let’s shift our focus away from the superficial definitions of beauty and embrace the multifaceted nature of our identities. We are so much more than just pretty.