Just like some bleary-eyed commuters on the morning train like to categorize me and my daughter before I’ve had my caffeine fix, I’m going to put together a few sociological labels of my own based on a non-scientific study of the curious stares we get.
The Tribal Nod
This expression comes in various shades, but the gaze often lingers just a beat too long. Sometimes, I even receive a friendly “What’s up?” smirk from them. My daughter and I likely mirror their family dynamic, or perhaps they’re just young and open-minded. After all, the youth today are more likely to know someone of a different race or mixed background. They just think, “Cool,” while I respond with, “Right on.”
The Feel-Good Liberal Glance
Then there are the usually well-meaning folks over 35, likely gentrifiers who probably share a lot of my views. However, the absence of a smile or that awkward “Oh, I didn’t mean to stare!” grin indicates they’re a mix of 70 percent “that’s fine” and 30 percent “this is too much.” They might not be familiar with families like ours, and it’s clearly throwing them for a loop. This reminds me of a mom at one of my daughter’s previous “progressive” Brooklyn schools who couldn’t help but exclaim, “I just can’t believe that’s your child!” Seriously, lady, let’s not go there.
The WTF Smirk
And now, we reach the not-so-pleasant reactions. Usually, it’s an older rider or a newcomer to the city who gives me a quick glance when we board but then fixates on my daughter for the rest of the ride. Their eyes track her rosy cheeks as we shift from standing to sitting. The discomfort escalates when they realize I’m not her nanny. Cue the glare directed at me. Some of them seem personally offended that I’ve “betrayed” my heritage, while others just look bewildered as if I’ve thrown a wrench into their neatly categorized racial beliefs. How dare I make them question their well-established notions at such an early hour?
So, how do I process all this without becoming a rubbernecker myself? Well, like any protective Mama Bear on the subway will tell you, I’ve got a sixth sense and a metaphorical karate chop at the ready. And if you don’t fit into my categories, maybe you just think we look adorable together. In that case, thanks! Just remember to brush up on your manners.
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In summary, navigating the world as a mom with a daughter who appears to be of a different race brings a spectrum of reactions. Whether it’s the nods of understanding from the younger crowd, the bewilderment of the older generation, or the outright confusion of other passengers, each encounter offers a glimpse into the complexities of race and identity in our society.