Reaching 40 can feel like a rollercoaster ride. Some days, it seems like just another milestone, definitely preferable to the alternative—like, you know, not being here at all. Here’s a light-hearted look at the seven phases of hitting the big four-oh.
1. Shock and Disbelief
Wait, what? Is it really time to celebrate 40? When did I go from being youthful to a mid-lifer? How did these tiny humans appear in my life? Are they really mine? Who switched my body with my mom’s? And why am I bombarding myself with all these rhetorical questions?
2. Denial
No way, those kids can’t be mine! I’m still too young for that—though maybe my less-than-perky assets and the grays popping up everywhere suggest otherwise. I’m trendy, right? Do people even say trendy anymore? Where did my heels and low-rise jeans go? Am I really wearing pajamas to the grocery store?
3. Anger
Alright, enough already! I’m going to indulge in a binge-watch of every John Hughes classic while sipping on shots—yes, Jell-O shots and Kamikaze, please! Don’t try to stop me! I’m still spry; I can do cartwheels! What 40-year-old can say that? Maybe I’ll even flirt with that guy who isn’t my husband because obviously, I’m too young for that commitment.
4. Bargaining
Please, tell me this is just a mistake! If you grant me a few more years, I promise to volunteer more, take better care of myself, and even run a marathon for dogs facing identity crises. I’ll do it for geriatric cryogenic research, just so every senior has a shot at being frozen like Walt Disney!
5. Guilt
I’ve squandered it all—every precious moment. Why didn’t I pursue a career? What have I accomplished in my first half of life? Am I truly in mid-life? Should I be worried about living past the average life expectancy? Is that my child with one thumb in his mouth and the other hand… well, you know? How could I waste so much time on reality TV? Did I really watch every season of “The Real World”? That’s over ten days of straight television… I think. Math isn’t my strong suit, clearly another failure.
6. Depression
I’m in a funk—maybe another drink will help, or a day of binge-watching Lifetime flicks and the original “90210.” Why did they even make a new version? Those kids are still in their 20s, and I can’t stand them. Is that girl cuter than me? Am I even still a girl? I guess I’m a woman now. Feeling moody and sad, maybe I’m pregnant or experiencing perimenopause.
7. Acceptance and Hope
You know what? This isn’t so terrible. Age is just a number, right? I’m in decent shape—well, minus the belly flab and the roadmap of veins on my legs. But hey, we all have our flaws, and at least I’m not alone. Every woman I know is dealing with similar things. Did I just say that? Sure, Christie and Heidi look amazing, and Cindy’s still got it, but they have teams of professionals. My team? Just my kids who don’t exactly help with my makeup. I can do push-ups, several of them, in fact. I’m doing just fine. This whole 40 thing? Not a big deal. Wait, am I having an anxiety attack? Is this what happens when you turn 40? Nope, I can’t possibly be 40…
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In summary, turning 40 can bring a whirlwind of emotions, from shock and denial to acceptance and hope. It’s a time of reflection, a chance to embrace both the challenges and joys that come with age.