Moving to the suburbs? Get ready to wear the ‘Uber Dad’ badge with pride.
Back in the day, I was the go-to guy for everything—errands for my mom? Easy. Picking up a carload of friends? No sweat. Late-night trips to Chinatown for some beef chow fun? Count me in! I held onto my car even after moving to Manhattan, deftly dodging parking tickets and break-ins. Weekend road trips for apple picking or concerts were just part of the fun.
Then came the suburbs, where driving becomes an Olympic sport. Here, you hop in the car just to grab the mail, and the gym is a drive away, too. That cup of sugar? It’s a ten-minute trek to the store. The miles on your vehicle—and your sanity—seem to accumulate at lightning speed.
At first, I found the tree-lined streets charming. But after navigating those speed humps—morning, noon, and night—it quickly became a different story. Picking up the kids, taking them to school, and shuttling them to soccer practice turned into a full-time gig.
“Dad, can you get me from practice at 5, drop Julie off, and then swing by Staples for index cards? Oh, and can we grab Panera for dinner? The Frontega Chicken is my fave!”
“Hey Dad, after you pick me up at Main Street, could you drop me at Lisa’s? Then, come back in two hours to take me to the gym. Oh, and can Deanna join us? She’ll be waiting for us by her driveway.”
“Dad, I left my sweater at Lindsey’s. Can you grab it on your way back from Home Depot? And, Mom’s making salmon. Mind picking up some Panera? You know I’m not a fan of salmon. Love you, Daddy!”
What? A never-ending cycle of driving… and that’s just for one kid. Multiply that by three or four, and you’ll find parents waving like shipmates from opposite shores. Forget cozy evenings on the couch; you’re now a road warrior, battling traffic and the clock for your almost-teenagers.
I’m proud to be a good dad, but when did I become ‘Uber Dad’? Was there a box I checked on the birth certificate? A lifelong commitment to be just a text away? Always in overdrive, ferrying my kids from A to B, offering complimentary door-to-door service for their social lives.
‘Uber Dad’? More like ‘Uber Schmuck’ (or ‘Uber Mensch’ if I’m feeling optimistic). With music and social media always at their fingertips, why not have Mom and Dad on speed dial? Instant gratification has made it possible for me to be there in a flash. Who needs conference calls when you can multitask from your car as you race to the school pick-up line?
I’ll admit it—I created this monster. I chose a home where sidewalks are rare, craving trees, grass, and fresh air. A beautiful but costly patch of paradise.
Gone are the days of honking horns; instead, you’ll find me at roadside stands. In escaping the city’s chaos, I’ve found myself at the gas pump more often than I’d like. I’ve led my kids to think every journey begins and ends at our door. No distance is too great, no trip too exhausting. Weekend tournaments? Just a hop, skip, and a jump down the Interstate. Movie nights? “Netflix and chill” can work for parents too!
Juggling schedules with other parents has become my new norm. Instead of chatting over sushi with friends, I’m negotiating pick-up and drop-off times. Dylan’s dad takes more of my time than my own father does now!
And don’t get me started on those parents who vanish during the carpool chaos. You know the ones—dropping their kids off in silence, avoiding the carpool lane like it’s a traffic jam on a Friday night.
“Haley’s dad is out of town.” “Haley’s mom can’t drive today.” “Haley’s nanny has the day off.”
And why should they bother when ‘Uber Dad’ is on the clock?
To read more about the ups and downs of parenting, check out our related post. And if you’re curious about the intricacies of home insemination, consider visiting this excellent resource or learn from the experts!
In summary, moving to the suburbs may come with unexpected challenges, especially when you find yourself navigating the role of Uber Dad. Embrace the chaos, juggle the schedules, and cherish the ride—because that’s just part of suburban life.