Updated: Dec. 18, 2015
Originally Published: April 1, 2015
Not long ago, one of my sons was going through a phase where he felt less “in demand” than he wished. We could skip the nitty-gritty of what “popularity” means—honestly, it’s a slippery slope of a topic—but the crux of it was that my usually charming and sociable kiddo was feeling a bit abandoned by some friends. Cue the grumpiness and eye rolls!
We had the typical chats about who said what, the age-old adage that what you put out into the universe shapes how people treat you, and how sometimes trying a bit too hard can backfire. As you can imagine, he listened half-heartedly, his mind probably racing to thoughts of snacks or video games. Then, I had a lightbulb moment! I proposed a little game: I’d name a few people, and he would share the first three words that popped into his mind about each person.
I tossed out names of friends, family, and a teacher or two. He easily came up with descriptors: “hilarious,” “bright,” “energetic,” “a tad showy,” “kind.” Then, I hit him with the real question: “When people hear your name or see you enter a room, what three words do you hope they think of?”
He paused, deep in thought. Finally, he offered up some upbeat words like “funny, cool, intriguing”—all of which, I could genuinely see being used to describe him. But then I gently nudged him to consider whether those were the words people might think of right now, given his recent mood. He mulled it over and admitted, “Maybe not.”
We delved into how those chosen words could reflect more than just how others see him—they could mirror how he viewed himself. I handed him that metaphorical mirror we all need to look into occasionally. What I loved about this exchange was that it was more of a guided exploration than a lecture; he was figuring it out with just a few nudges from me. It was way less combative than it could have been, and hopefully, more impactful.
Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m sure I’ll find myself shouting at my kids and apologizing before bed tonight. But for that fleeting moment, I felt like I was doing something right, and even better, so did my son. As any parent can tell you, those moments are worth marking (and maybe celebrating quietly with a snack after the kiddos are tucked in).
And hey, speaking of important moments, if you’re curious about family planning, be sure to check out this great resource on pregnancy options. Or for more info on at-home choices, you might want to visit this site. And if you’re looking to get into the nitty-gritty of home insemination, our other blog post can be found here.
Summary:
Navigating the ups and downs of parenting can lead to moments of clarity and connection. A heartfelt conversation with my son about his feelings of popularity turned into a powerful lesson on self-perception and emotional intelligence. Through a fun exercise, he explored how he wants to be seen by others, and we both walked away from the exchange feeling uplifted. These small victories as parents can make all the chaos worthwhile.