When I found myself navigating the waters of divorce at 34, I felt completely alone. I only knew one other person who had been through it—a coworker ten years my senior. While a few loyal friends stood by me, many others either vanished or openly disapproved of my situation. It’s funny how life works; six years later, a wave of friends and colleagues around my age began experiencing similar separations. So, if you know a single mom or will soon, here are some things I wish my friends had grasped back then.
1. Divorce Was the Toughest Choice I Made.
Please refrain from saying you could never go through with a divorce or questioning my certainty. Trust me, I’ve read all those studies that claim divorce is detrimental to kids—I’ve lost sleep over them. Most people don’t enter marriage with a plan to divorce; we all hope for that fairy-tale ending. Just because I don’t share every detail doesn’t mean my decision was made lightly. Remember, this could be you someday, so tread carefully when passing judgment.
2. Divorced Does Not Mean Desperate.
Forget the clichés you see in movies—divorced women aren’t on the prowl looking for any man to fill the void. The majority of divorced moms I know are just trying to survive day to day, not chasing after every eligible bachelor. We definitely aren’t interested in our friends’ husbands! And please, no random setups with guys who are old enough to be our fathers. Now, if you have a great, fun coworker around my age? Sure, let’s chat!
3. Divorced Parents Can Co-Parent Successfully.
My ex isn’t a villain, nor is he perfect; he’s just a guy who married the wrong person. Did he mess up? Absolutely. But I’ve moved past the anger, and we even celebrate holidays together for our kids. The first time I hosted his girlfriend for Thanksgiving alongside my family? A bit awkward, perhaps, but ultimately fun! Don’t be shocked we can put our feelings aside for our kids. And no, this doesn’t mean we’re getting back together.
4. The Wicked Stepmother Stereotype is Old.
After our split, my ex began dating someone special. I had my own rules about introducing my kids to my new partner, waiting three months to make sure it was right. When he introduced his girlfriend too early, I was concerned—but it turned out alright. Five years later, she’s a supportive figure in their lives and has brought a wealth of love and culture to them. She’s at every performance, every game, and it’s made my ex a better dad. So why would I hate her?
5. Divorce is Not Contagious.
While some studies suggest that divorce can create ripples in social circles, just inviting me over for coffee won’t ruin your marriage. At a time when I needed my friends most, many drifted away. I felt like I had suddenly contracted a disease they feared catching. To those friends who stood by me, thank you! To the rest, don’t shy away from a friend going through a divorce; she might really appreciate a girls’ night out.
6. The Kids are Doing Just Fine.
I need to be careful here; divorce certainly brings pain. However, my kids are thriving. They behave well, excel in school, and haven’t once asked if their dad and I will reconcile. Sure, they were young when we separated—just 5 and 2—so their memories of us as a family are hazy. We always ensure they have both parents at special events and never argue in front of them. If a child mentions something questionable, a quick text clears it up. Are they completely unscathed? No, but I rest easy knowing they’re learning kindness in tough times.
So, if you hear about a friend or coworker going through a divorce, lean in instead of backing away. Offer a hug, a listening ear, or even a doughnut—but save your judgments for another day. For more insights on relationships and family life, check out our other posts on privacy policies and tips for using an at-home insemination kit.
Summary
Divorce is a challenging journey for many, and those who have experienced it often wish for understanding rather than judgment. By recognizing the nuances of their situation—like co-parenting and the fact that their kids are doing just fine—you can offer support in a time when it’s most needed.