I want to express my heartfelt apologies for the time I have to spend away from you due to work commitments. I regret that I often have to tuck you into bed earlier than I’d like because I’m worn out from a long day. I feel remorseful that when illness strikes, my first concern is, “Can I take a day off?” and that I may not be the one by your side when you’re feeling unwell.
I wish I could be there in the mornings to hear about your dreams, instead of being at work, dreaming of being with you. It pains me to share a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with colleagues rather than with you. When your caregiver reassures you that “Mommy will be home soon,” you can’t know how much I wish “soon” could mean “right now.” I’m sorry that I have to engage in discussions about budgets and work policies rather than butterflies and princess tea parties.
I regret that I spend time ironing work attire instead of playing with you on the floor. I’m sorry that work often follows me home, and sometimes I feel I see my computer screen more than I see your beautiful eyes. I wish I didn’t have to say, “Just one more thing for work,” every time you request to play hide-and-seek. I wish we could sleep in on rainy days, but instead, weekends feel too short and our evenings are rushed.
I’m sorry that many of the meals I prepare during the week take less than half an hour. It saddens me that other children enjoy having their moms drop them off and pick them up from school while I can’t always be there. I regret that my Pinterest board is filled with crafts that might never come to life. It’s tough knowing that my first time witnessing your milestones may not be the first time you experience them.
I apologize for the times you hear me and Dad debating schedules for your doctor’s appointments. I’m sorry that I have to comfort you through FaceTime rather than with a gentle kiss. I wish I could volunteer in your classroom, but my responsibilities keep me busy.
Every day, I strive to provide you with the opportunities I didn’t have growing up—family vacations, a college fund, and maybe even some extra funds for dress-up clothes and tea sets. I want you to know that my absence is meant to enhance your lives, but it’s hard to silence the feelings of guilt. I knew parenthood would require work, yet the reality is more challenging than I anticipated. My heart swells with love for you when we are together and shatters when I’m apart.
Despite my regrets, I am also deeply thankful. I appreciate your understanding of my need to work and that you recognize the benefits it brings to our family. I cherish that you still call me your best friend, even when it feels like we’re ships passing in the night. Most of all, I am grateful that when I hold your hand a little too tightly, you squeeze mine back, showing me that you understand.
For more about the journey of parenthood and fertility, you might explore resources like this blog or this article, which can provide valuable insights into topics like home insemination. If you’re considering options for building your family, Make a Mom offers excellent information on at-home insemination kits.
In summary, while I apologize for the time I spend away from you due to work, I am grateful for your understanding and love. Balancing work and family is challenging, but my commitment to providing for you remains unwavering.