21 Invoices I’m Sending to Other Families

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Remember that family that sent a bill to the kid who skipped out on their birthday bash? Well, I must admit I’m somewhat relieved this topic has resurfaced. Entertaining other people’s kids can really take a toll on the wallet! Now that there’s a chance to recoup some of those costs, I’ve compiled a list of expenses I’ll be invoicing other families for, starting with these:

1. The 87 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches your kid nibbled on before declaring they were “done.”
2. 800 kilowatt hours of electricity consumed by the Wii U.
3. The three “must-have” Wii U games my children discovered thanks to your kids.
4. Carpool expenses, including mileage, fuel, and the inevitable depreciation of my aging vehicle.
5. My billable hours for that playdate when you decided to “stick around” a little longer.
6. The plumber’s fee (holiday rate, Happy Labor Day!) for the toilet that got clogged.
7. Six rolls of toilet paper that your child attempted to flush down said toilet.
8. Various art supplies that met an untimely end without ever being used for their intended purpose.
9. 18 rolls of paper towels used while trying to teach your kid how to drink from a regular glass.
10. Goldfish, goldfish, and more goldfish.
11. The case of ZBars that mysteriously vanished.
12. The living room rug your kid deemed “not that nice anyway.”
13. The wine I had to consume to recover from your visit.
14. 367 Magic Erasers, because, well, kids.
15. New balls that have either been tossed over the fence or disappeared into thin air.
16. One gallon of ice cream that was deemed “too chocolatey” and melted into a puddle on my kitchen table.
17. Two cups of hot chocolate that also had “too much chocolate” and were left to cool on the coffee table.
18. One bag of microwave popcorn that I had been saving for my Bravo binge, which your kid found and ruined.
19. 300 gallons of water wasted in July 2014 when the hose was left running for five hours.
20. Six boxes of Band-Aids and three tubes of Neosporin (I warned your kid at least four times not to eat it).
21. Three days at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica.

We accept credit, but cash is always preferred. Due to the PTA wrapping paper fiasco of 2012, we can no longer accept personal checks. Please ensure you settle your invoice before sending your kids back to my house.

For more humorous parenting insights, check out this post on how having children can save you money. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, don’t forget to visit Make A Mom for quality kits. You can also find valuable tips at Rmany for pregnancy and home insemination.

In summary, managing kids is expensive, and it’s high time that we start holding each other accountable for the costs associated with playdates and visits.