I’ve got a throbbing headache. Is it possible to have one while you’re asleep, or did it just hit me? And why haven’t I felt the urge to pee? Something must be off; I’m probably dehydrated.
Time to schedule a doctor’s visit. Just a routine check-up. How often am I supposed to have those again? I’m way too exhausted to be lying here awake. A little reminder would be nice.
All the things you say and do just swirl around in my mind… I’ll take “English Electronica Bands from the ‘80s” for $400, Alex. My friend always throws in those random non-sequiturs; one moment she’s discussing her Native American history project, and the next, she’s off on a tangent about a house elf in Harry Potter. I just don’t get it.
Maybe I should get up and do something since everyone says to embrace being awake if you can’t sleep. But honestly, I’m too tired for that. Should I invite those friends to the upcoming bat mitzvah? They probably won’t come, but they’ll be upset if I don’t extend an invite. What if they actually show up? The guest list is already outrageous, and yikes, this party is going to cost a fortune.
I really need a job—one with a steady paycheck and benefits, like vacation time. But I don’t want just any job; I genuinely like my work. If only I had a proper job description, then I could establish real office hours: “The Mom is In.” I crack myself up.
When is she going to wake up? I know she will; she has the last two nights. Three’s the magic number, right? Why do people say that? What’s so special about three? I should Google it, but what’s the point in trying to sleep when I know she’ll wake me up again? Maybe that’s why I’m already awake—like Israel, I’m always ready.
Why is it always me? I can’t believe I once saw Kim Kardashian completely naked. That’s a sight I wish I could unsee. Also, Indy or Han Solo? Fun fact: Harrison Ford is the same age as my dad!
If she grows up to be a narcissist, it must be my fault. Experts say twelve years of praise can ruin you. Thanks for the heads up! But wait, am I a narcissist too? If you are, do you even realize it?
Don’t forget to mail the mortgage check.
I honestly just can’t get enough of this crazy ride of motherhood. I need to clock in seven hours of sleep to survive tomorrow. But I will be fine—positive thinking! I’m going to my happy place, surfing the wave of serenity. Can you meditate yourself to sleep?
Facebook hates me; maybe nobody really likes me. I feel a little light-headed, likely from dehydration and exhaustion. Legalize it!
She probably thinks I’m a stalker for liking all her posts, but I genuinely appreciate what she shares. Maybe I “like” too much?
I wish Carol and Daryl would just kiss already.
Ah, here she comes. She’s like an angel, giving me her love that I can’t seem to get enough of. I’m probably messing up her sleep schedule, but I’m not getting out of this cozy spot to tuck her back in. She won’t be three forever, right? Just can’t get enough of this wild ride.
This article was originally published on March 14, 2015.
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Summary
In this humorous reflection on sleepless nights, a mom navigates a whirlwind of thoughts, ranging from her daily struggles with parenting to deeper concerns about her self-worth and the future. The chaotic mix of nostalgia, anxiety, and occasional humor encapsulates the essence of motherhood, all while highlighting the absurdities that keep her awake.