The Five Phases of Catching a Cold

1. Denial

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Oh no, what’s this? A tickle in my throat? Surely, it can’t be! After a week of nursing my sick partner, I’ve kept him holed up in our bedroom while I’ve taken the couch like a true champion. I’ve got hand sanitizer in every corner of the house and have been using it like it’s going out of style. I’ve been eating well, hydrating, taking my vitamins, and getting plenty of rest. I am the picture of health. There’s no way this cold is coming for me.

2. Anger

Seriously? My partner gave me this cold? After an entire week of waiting on that germy mess, this is my reward? My throat feels like sandpaper, my eyes are watering, and when I can muster the strength, I have to remind him how to boil water for my tea. And let’s not even mention the guilt I feel for not being able to care for my son, handle chores, or indulge in a binge-watch of my favorite show. Claire Underwood would totally handle this with grace, right?

3. Bargaining

Please, dear universe, spare my toddler from this. There can only be one whiny little person in the house, and right now, it’s me! If I can keep my son healthy, I promise to tackle all the chores I’ve been procrastinating on. I’d even rather clean out the fridge than deal with a sick child while feeling like a walking zombie myself.

4. Depression

I’m convinced I’ll never breathe normally again. My sinuses are practically screaming, and my mom calls to suggest I need to step up my hand sanitizer game. I lack the energy to argue. The days are long and filled with children’s shows, and the nights drag on with my coughing fits.

5. Acceptance

Three days without a shower? Check. My diet consists of applesauce and Whole Foods chicken soup drenched in sriracha. My partner looks horrified by my current state, and honestly, I barely care that he’s been dining on takeout while my little one has taken to chewing on crayons. At least they’re eating! Despite the chaos, a tiny glimmer of hope remains that one day, I’ll look back on this ordeal and chuckle. Maybe I’ll even pen an amusing tale about it. But today? I’m waving the white flag. I’m sinking into my tissue-filled bed and asking for divine intervention—or maybe just some NyQuil.

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In summary, navigating the five stages of catching a cold can be a wild ride, filled with denial, frustration, and the occasional moment of acceptance. But through it all, there’s always hope for better days ahead.

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