You know, if Hallmark were to create reality shows, they’d be a lot more interesting.
About six months ago, I packed up and left a charming little town that had become my haven—not the one I was raised in, but the one I had grown to love. Nestled in the Colorado mountains, it was a vibrant community filled with artists, ex-gold miners, a retired CIA agent, and snow scientists who could strum a guitar while sipping Pisco Sours. It was a wild, amazing ride.
Then, in classic Hallmark fashion, my mom aged—surprise! I found myself moving back to a rural Midwestern town, complete with its share of meth labs and rusted cars. It’s safe to say that life here isn’t the picturesque scene you’d expect from TV.
But this is a familiar narrative for many of us in the Midwest: our parents are getting older, and they need our assistance. We hit pause on our own lives, returning home and trading our late-night beer outings with friends for an unexpected fascination with the clearance section at the local Dollar General—because, let’s be honest, it’s pretty much our only option. Our savings shrink as we navigate the financial hurdles of restarting life at 48. We watch our parents grapple with pain and confusion, and we can’t help but wonder if these issues might one day be passed down to us.
Before I left my mountain paradise, a woman I barely knew sat next to me and said, “Who knows? This could lead to something truly beautiful.” And while we often hear about the moments of bonding and reconciliation that can emerge during this time, they really are lovely. We start to understand that childhood grievances and family dramas don’t hold the same weight as they did before. We’ve made it through, and now it’s time to show kindness to our parents, who may not have always been perfect but did their best with what they had.
We begin to glimpse what it means to face the inevitable decline of our bodies, realizing we have a limited time to embrace the lives we’ve been given. We listen to our parents recount tales of their youth, their romances, and their ups and downs. We start to see them as individuals instead of just our parents, and as we age into the same phase of life they once navigated, we gain a deeper understanding of their experiences.
Even though we feel frustration and a bit of fear for our futures, we don’t begrudge the time spent together. We find ourselves sitting on Saturday nights, watching Hallmark movies and reruns of The Lawrence Welk Show—the very same shows we once enjoyed with our grandparents while our still-young parents hit the town.
Amidst all this, we rediscover joy in those little memories we had forgotten while living our own busy lives. Their stories are intertwined with ours. And we’ll do our best not to roll our eyes when they still try to tell us how to hard-boil an egg or shovel snow as if we were still kids. It’s just part of the gig for now, right?
This article originally appeared on March 1, 2015.
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Summary:
Caring for aging parents brings both challenges and unexpected joys. While navigating life changes and confronting fears, we find moments of bonding and rediscover shared memories. It’s a journey filled with love, patience, and a reconsideration of how we view our parents as individuals, not just as caregivers.