When it comes to parenting, I like to think of myself as laid-back and open-minded. I’m not the type to hover over my kids; in fact, I won’t even get up to fetch them a glass of water anymore. “Go get a drink from the sink! I’ve got candy to crush!” is my new mantra. Despite this relaxed approach, there’s one area where my husband and I draw the line: sleepovers.
Now, let me clarify what I mean by “generally.” We do allow our children to spend the night with a select few trusted family and friends. These are individuals who have proven over the years to be reliable and nurturing when it comes to caring for our daughters. Specifically, they can spend the night at their grandparents’ homes, and that’s pretty much it.
So far, this hasn’t caused any major issues, given that our kids are still quite young. However, as my eldest daughter begins to navigate the social complexities of third grade, the topic of sleepovers is becoming more pressing. Just recently, she excitedly announced that her friends, Ava and Lily, had decided to host a sleepover. Naturally, I had to decline since we haven’t met Ava’s parents. She was disappointed but took it in stride, though I could sense her lingering sadness as she walked away.
Fast forward to a birthday party invitation I received the other night. My daughter was practically bouncing off the walls, pleading with me to let her attend the sleepover that was part of the celebration. The catch? I had never even heard of the girl hosting the party. Once again, I had to explain that while she could enjoy the party for a few hours, she wouldn’t be spending the night. Her reaction? Devastation. She cried for what felt like an eternity and gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the evening. My husband stood firm by my decision, which only added to her frustration.
Later that evening, we discussed our stance on sleepovers again. My husband made a valid point: “Our job isn’t to ensure she has fun; it’s to make sure she’s safe. If something were to happen to her, I could end up in serious trouble.” I nodded along, partly out of love for our daughter, but also because I realized that running a household is a joint effort, and I’d prefer not to see the inside of a jail cell anytime soon.
I understand that many children are more at risk from family than from strangers, but that doesn’t change my approach. If I don’t know you well enough to trust you with my child overnight, then it’s a hard no. Parenting is about trust, and right now, I only feel comfortable letting my daughters sleep at home or at their grandparents’ place. If my gut tells me something isn’t right, then I won’t hesitate to say no.
Interestingly, the parents of the child hosting the sleepover were very understanding when I declined their invitation. “That’s alright! My daughter, Brooklyn, isn’t comfortable sleeping over at other houses either,” they said, which was a relief. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in this.
Perhaps in the future, as I get to know these families better, I’ll feel more comfortable allowing my daughter to attend sleepovers. For now, I’m happy to tuck her in at home after a few hours of fun, knowing she’s safe. And who knows? Maybe she’ll be the one to explain the lyrics to “Summer Lovin’” to her friends someday.
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Summary
In this post, I discuss my family’s decision to limit sleepovers for our children to just a few trusted relatives and friends. As my oldest daughter navigates social invitations, I grapple with the challenges of ensuring her safety while also wanting her to have fun. Ultimately, it’s all about trust, and for now, I believe home is the safest place for my kids.
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