As an avid fan of the ’80s, I cannot get enough of everything from that iconic decade. Back in the day, I rocked big hair with more Aqua Net than one should legally possess, and I was known to sport multiple pairs of socks with my beloved white Keds. My jean jacket is still a staple in my wardrobe, and I’m unashamedly busting a move to “Hangin’ Tough” by New Kids on the Block while pushing a cart in the grocery store.
There’s truly nothing that brings me more joy than snuggling up to watch the beloved ’80s films that are embedded in the cultural lexicon of my childhood. Just hearing the opening notes of “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds sends me back to when I first adored Judd Nelson’s captivating role in The Breakfast Club.
When my own children came along, I eagerly anticipated sharing with them the cinematic gems that shaped my formative years. I wanted them to experience the intense emotions I felt when John Cusack held that boombox aloft and the thrill of Jake Ryan declaring “Yeah, you!” to Samantha in Sixteen Candles. My biggest hope was that they would appreciate Steel Magnolias as much as I do.
Finally, the day came when my husband and I thought they were old enough to dive into our nostalgic treasure trove. We kicked off our mission with Spaceballs, thinking our son’s Star Wars obsession would make Rick Moranis’s goofy antics as Dark Helmet a hit. We settled into the couch, popcorn in hand, only to realize we had made a colossal error.
Wow, I completely forgot how much profanity and inappropriate innuendos filled Spaceballs. By the middle of the film, my husband and I exchanged worried glances while fielding questions about chastity belts. Who knew one of our favorite films would turn into a parenting blunder? Apparently, my kids found the term “asshole” to be the funniest thing ever. Thanks a lot, Moranis!
We soon figured out that ’80s movies should come with a special warning label for parents. It should clearly state how much unexpected “sex education” your child might receive while watching. Parents really need to know how many F-bombs to expect when choosing an ’80s classic for family movie night. So, for your benefit, here are a few heads-up:
Doc Hollywood
What’s not to love about Michael J. Fox as a plastic surgeon who takes a wrong turn to a small southern town? Well, unless you want your child to witness full-on nudity as the female lead takes her sweet time covering up after emerging from a lake. Seriously, my kid’s question about why my body doesn’t look like that? Total nightmare.
National Lampoon’s Vacation
We’ve all had our own Walley World road trips from hell, but do you really want your kids to watch Chevy Chase get a lap dance from his wife or see Christie Brinkley go skinny-dipping? Trust me, it’s best to save this one for later, despite John Candy’s hilarious role as the security guard.
Stand By Me
This coming-of-age classic features four boys on a quest for a dead body. Seriously, what were our parents thinking allowing us to watch this?
Edward Scissorhands
If you think your kids will enjoy waking up screaming from nightmares featuring a gothic man with scissors for hands, then Edward Scissorhands is a perfect pick.
Ghostbusters
How did I forget Dan Aykroyd getting a lap dance from a ghost? Watching my son giggle at a Ghostbuster getting an unexpected surprise from an other-worldly being was, um, awkward.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
I’d love to pull off a “phony phone call to Ed Rooney” just like Ferris, but realizing this movie glorifies skipping school and lying to parents is a real downer. And don’t even get me started on the swearing!
The Breakfast Club
Hey, Claire, Allison, Andrew, John, and Brian? You all need to serve some Saturday detentions for your crass language and risqué conversations in front of my tweens. Seriously, I love you all, but come on!
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
You’d think a film about an adorable alien would be harmless, but when Elliott yells “penis breath” at the dinner table, you’ll be clutching your pearls. #truth
Our generation truly created some of the best (and most questionable) films ever, and it’s hard not to want to share that with our kids. Watching them laugh at the same scenes I adored at their age takes me back to the days of my Esprit jeans and Liz Claiborne purse. Still, it’s not some kind of wonderful when you’re a die-hard ’80s fan and you have to wait for your kids to get their Sixteen Candles cakes before they’re Big enough to join you on the couch. See what I did there?
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In summary, the ’80s were filled with films that might not be as kid-friendly as we remember, and it’s essential to be prepared when sharing these nostalgic treasures with our little ones!