Motherhood is an extraordinary journey—one that empowers, transforms, and occasionally terrifies. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself shopping for groceries at Target without a bra while cheering your little one on for achieving the “poop of the month.” All the while, you’ll be contemplating how many boxes of Mac & Cheese you need to survive the impending week of whining, unexpected kicks to the stomach, and amusing dinner-time flatulence.
People will compliment your parenting skills and say how well motherhood suits you. You’ll smile and bask in their praise… until that moment hits when you realize you’ve been sitting on the toilet for ages, scrolling through social media, while your 3-year-old is busy turning your unpaid bills into confetti with a pair of scissors she found. It’s in moments like these that you start to grasp just how much motherhood has changed you—and it can be a little unsettling.
Following the scissor escapade, I began observing my own behavior. Who is this person? Did I seriously just wipe milk off my son’s chin with my finger and then smear it on my own shirt? And why am I still in my pajamas at 2:30 PM? This is getting weird.
But don’t worry, I’m okay—I promise! After some self-reflection, I’ve come to terms with my newfound quirks that make me want to chuckle and cringe at the same time:
- When I spot dried boogers on the wall, I simply walk away and pretend I didn’t see a thing. Let’s be honest, who has time for that?
- I can’t help but make “That’s what she said” jokes in my head when I hear my kids say something like, “Mom! Check out this banana!”
- I occasionally forget to eat lunch. When I do, I become a ravenous beast, ready to pounce on any scraps left on my kids’ plates. Score!
- When my kids ignore me, I channel my inner Daniel Tiger to get them to listen. Thanks to him, my kids now know how to brush their teeth, share toys, and flush the toilet. Friends help each other, yes they do!
- On those rare occasions when I shower before 2:30 PM, it’s usually because I’m in a mad dash to get somewhere. In those moments, I’ll even drink my coffee and brush my teeth in the shower to save time. Multi-tasking level: expert!
- My kids inspire me to create and sing silly songs, most of which revolve around poop. Some of my greatest hits include “She’s a super poop, super poop, she’s super poopy!” and “Drop it like it’s poop, drop it like it’s poop.”
- When it’s my turn to count for hide-and-seek, I cozy up with a blanket on the couch and see how high I can count until my kids start begging me to find them. One hundred and thirty-two, one hundred thirty-three… blissful tranquility!
- Finally, I’ve become a certified butt crack inspector. After years of diaper duty, I’ve now passed the torch to my kids, teaching them the fine art of wiping. I must admit, I’m quite impressed with the number of streak-free undies in the laundry!
Motherhood may be strange and a little frightening, but it’s undeniably one of the most rewarding experiences out there. Trust me, you’re going to be just fine. And if you ever need a breather, just sneak into the bathroom, close the door, and relish those five fleeting minutes of peace… Oh wait, not today, mom!
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Summary
Motherhood transforms you in unexpected ways, revealing odd habits and quirks. From making awkward jokes to multi-tasking in the shower, it’s all part of the journey. Embrace the weirdness, find humor in the chaos, and know you’re not alone in this wild adventure.