As a parent, hearing negative remarks about your child can be incredibly disheartening. Recently, during a casual outing, I overheard a couple of children say, “That baby looks strange. His eyes are not nice.” Such comments are painful for any parent to hear, especially when your child has unique medical circumstances. My son, now approaching eight months old, was born with a rare eye condition called ptosis, which required surgery to preserve his vision, along with other complications that will necessitate additional procedures in the near future.
As I prepare to welcome a second child this September, my sensitivity as a new mother has heightened. I often worry about the bullying my son may face in the future, stemming from his differences. These fears kept me awake at night during his time in the NICU, especially since he was born six weeks early. Concerns about his ability to form friendships, find love, and develop self-esteem have plagued my thoughts, though I recognize I may be projecting my anxieties onto him.
My supportive partner, Mark, reminded me that by allowing those hurtful comments to affect me, I was letting them gain power over our emotions. I knew he was right, yet it took me time to internalize that perspective. Reflecting on it, I realized that our son is truly remarkable. He brings joy wherever he goes and is blissfully unaware of his differences. If he can embrace who he is, why should I let the negativity of others get to me? The children who made those unkind remarks likely acted from their own insecurities or simply didn’t understand. Regardless, they represent the challenges our son will face throughout his life, and how we respond will influence his reactions.
Children often gaze at our son, which is a natural response to curiosity. Just the other day, while shopping, an elderly gentleman approached us and said, “Poor little thing. What’s wrong with his eyes?” Instead of feeling frustrated, I seized the opportunity to respond positively. I replied, “There’s no need to feel sorry for him! He sees perfectly and is one of the happiest babies you’ll ever meet.” At that moment, my son flashed his signature smile, and the man’s expression transformed into one of warmth and understanding. It made me realize that together, my son and I can foster a positive narrative around his uniqueness.
While I often hear that our child was given to us because we could handle the challenge, I sometimes wish to reject that sentiment. It’s not about proving anything; it’s about pride in who he is. I wish I could revisit that fast-food restaurant and explain to those boys about my son’s condition. I aspire to be the person who stands up for him when others do not, even when I feel fatigued by the questions and the stares. Yet, this is our reality.
As we prepare for the arrival of our second child, we remain unconcerned about the possibility of similar issues. We halted genetic testing months ago, knowing that our son is thriving. I now proudly identify as the mother of a preemie and a child with facial differences. Above all, I am the mother of a smart, joyous, and lively little boy. In the end, what more could a mother desire than a happy child?
In summary, while negative comments about my child’s appearance can sting, I have learned to focus on his happiness and the joy he brings into our lives. Embracing his uniqueness has transformed my perspective, allowing me to respond to the world with positivity and pride.
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