After a hectic day of chasing after my kids, I’ve finally managed to get them fed, bathed, and tucked into bed. My makeup is somewhat presentable, despite a few smudges, and I’m dressed in my fanciest, stain-free clothes. My partner is ready at the door, and it’s time for my final pep talk with the babysitter. But little do they know, there’s a big gap between my words and what I truly mean. For instance:
What I Say: Help yourself to anything in the kitchen.
What I Mean: Go ahead and munch on the fresh veggies—my kids won’t touch them! The pasta is up for grabs, too, since I stockpile it daily, knowing it’s the only meal my daughter will actually eat. But steer clear of the graham crackers; who knows how long they’ve been hanging around? My son had a brief love affair with them before declaring them “yucky.” And if you even think about the chocolate hidden behind those cans of corn, just know I keep a close eye on it—cross that line, and you’ll be blacklisted in this town!
What I Say: Feel free to invite a friend over.
What I Mean: By all means, bring a buddy—especially if they come with a mop and a vacuum! Any friends who enjoy scrubbing sticky yogurt off surfaces or lifting couches to find lost toys would be great. There’s a mystery smell coming from somewhere in the toy box, and it’d be fantastic if you could figure that out while you’re at it.
What I Say: She should be asleep the whole time you’re here.
What I Mean: “Should” is the keyword here. My two-year-old might be tucked in, but expect to hear a soft knock on her door every ten minutes. When you check on her, get ready for her sweet little voice to chirp, “Me awake! Me play!” I apologize in advance for the symphony of “I’m not sleepy!” you’re about to endure.
What I Say: Watch whatever you’d like on Netflix.
What I Mean: Feel free to browse, but don’t judge my “Recently Watched” section. I spend my days watching cartoon antics and singing along with animated characters. Once the kiddos are asleep, however, I dive headfirst into anything adult and possibly violent. It’s just a little TV therapy for those of us buried in colorful chaos all day.
What I Say: We shouldn’t be out too late.
What I Mean: Let’s be real—we haven’t had a night out in ages, and we’re ready to celebrate! Dinner, a movie, dessert, and who knows, we might just end up stargazing on the hood of the car in a parking lot somewhere! An overnight bag may even be in play if we’re feeling adventurous. Do you happen to have a weekly rate?
What I Say: Call me if you have any questions.
What I Mean: Unless it’s about reattaching my son’s arm, I don’t want to hear from you! If he’s still breathing and there’s no blood, I’m good. Please don’t bother me with ice cream inquiries or my daughter’s seventh request for water—you’ve got this, babysitter!
For more tips on navigating parenthood, check out this helpful resource.
In summary, babysitting involves deciphering the real meaning behind our seemingly straightforward instructions. While we may appear calm and collected, there’s often a whirlwind of chaos lying beneath! And if you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, this post might be worth a look, as well as this authority on the topic.