When should a parent wave the white flag? Spoiler alert: I never do! Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic. But there are instances where I’ve chosen to tactically step back because, let’s face it, some battles just aren’t worth the energy. Sometimes, calling in backup or switching roles with another adult is just smart parenting.
Now, let’s chat about what’s actually within our control as parents. Here are my top strategies for handling a defiant child:
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I can’t dictate if my child decides to have a meltdown over not getting her way, but I can choose how I respond. I’ve mastered the art of remaining calm and “going brain-dead” while my daughter throws a fit. My partner, Alex, on the other hand, has been known to pop in some headphones or even step outside for a breather. Funny enough, when our cat starts meowing for food, I’m the one who feels my patience wearing thin!
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While I can’t force my child to use her “please” and “thank you,” I can choose to ignore her requests until she asks nicely. When she does, I respond with enthusiasm! Trust me, focusing on good manners has been one of our best parenting moves.
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I can’t control whether my little one falls asleep, but I can make sure she stays in her room once it’s bedtime. We’ve installed a gate at her door, giving her the option to keep it open or closed initially. If she wanders out for anything other than a bathroom trip, we kindly guide her back and close the gate. This way, she learns that bedtime is serious business.
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I can’t make her pick up her toys the first time I ask, but I can limit distractions. For example, I can turn off the TV since she’s still too short to reach the remote. We also added a second deadbolt high up on our front door to keep her safe from wandering outside. These strategies help me avoid the need to repeat myself or raise my voice—which is a win in my book!
Now, before you think I’m suggesting this is a walk in the park, let’s get real. Parenting can be exhausting—especially during those late-night wake-ups. My daughter has recently started having vivid dreams, which means we’re sometimes up at odd hours. When one of us is awake, we’ll trade off soothing her to avoid both parents being up at the same time.
In moments when I feel like I’m about to throw in the towel (or at least switch to “only tackle safety issues” mode), I remind myself that this journey is about raising a capable adult over the long haul. The little victories, like when my daughter runs to me squealing “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! I love you!” make it all worthwhile.
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Summary:
Parenting a defiant child can be challenging, but focusing on what you can control—your responses, setting boundaries, and limiting distractions—can make a big difference. Remember, it’s a long-term journey, and those small moments of joy are what keep you going.